Ok, excuses out the way – it was difficult for me too, I
didn’t like not contacting you, the timing though… it wasn’t right. I mean I
was thinking about you the whole time we were apart believe me, it’s just… well…
I’ve been busy. When we started out we had a lot of fun – I laughed and so did
you… occasionally. And we had some more… tender moments too, where we got…
closer. But, with a new job, birthdays and Christmas, it was hard making space.
I know that’s not what you want to hear, but, I think honesty is the best
policy from here on out. No more lies. But, if this absence has taught me
anything, it’s made me grow fonder of you! So, I guess, that’s a good thing,
right? Oh who am I kidding, you’d be a fool to take me back. Everyone loves a
trier though right? I wish you could talk. But that’s my fault too, so don’t
want to dwell on that. Maybe we can make a fresh start? A new beginning… Forgive me, Mother?
Monday 7th January
Martha Marcy May Marlene (2012) Sky Premier, Midnight
The film that inspired me to start this bloody, god forsaken
blog up again… I’ve been waiting aaaages for this to become available as I
missed it at the cinema. Remember Mary- Kate & Ashley Olsen aka the Olsen
twins? Well if you don’t they were this pair of insanely hot mini Cameron Diaz
twins who ruled the pre-teen market with a bunch of films, toys and other
related crap. They are probably better remembered though for making the world
of men rejoice when they finally turned 16 so you no longer had to feel guilty
about certain ‘feelings’. Well these twins had a younger sister, Elizabeth, who was not
in the spot light – until now. Now the older siblings careers have grinded to a
halt (don’t feel too bad for them, they earned a lot of money), Lizzy has found
her chance to shine, and shine she did in this creepy film about an abusive
cult. I’ve yet to watch this, (hence the below review courtesy of Empire
Online), but I know the question you are all thinking. So here we go: Yes she
is hot just like her sisters.
Hugo (2011) Sky Family, 8pm
I really am a big fan of this film and I think it is
essential family viewing. Martin Scorsese has created a beautiful film about an
orphan living in a train station and trying to decipher the mystery surrounding
an automaton that’s been left to him by his deceased Father. It’s charming,
well-acted, and shot to perfection – perfect Sunday evening viewing with the
family. Except it’s on Monday. And most of you I know don’t live with your
families. Well, just remember it for a Sunday when you have a family of your
own, ok?
William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet (1996) 8pm
My friend Daniel watched this other day and it led me to
falling back in love with it all over again. I think it’s one of the coolest films
ever shot, and this is down to three main reasons: 1) The editing 2) the
soundtrack and 3) it’s seriously sexy. The opening 5 minutes of the film tell
you exactly what it’s gonna be like, lots of beautiful people running around
quoting the bard, so if that’s not your thing, it’s not going to get any better
– and if that’s the case I do feel sorry for you ‘cause you’re missing out on a
cracker. You know the story and you know the set up. Leo and Claire Danes (more
recently seen in TV series Homeland) are star-crossed lovers and crank the
sexual tension up to 11. Time to fall in love with it all over again or
discover an amazing film for the first time.
Tuesday 8th January
The Rum Diary (2011) Sky Indie, 8pm
Kicking off our Tuesday Super Sky Indies Extravaganza-thon ™
we have Johnny Depp going gonzo alllll over again. “But Christopher, darling,
what the St. Swithins is Gonzo?” I hear you plead. Well intrepid reader, tis a
style of journalism made popular by Depp’s buddy Hunter S. Thompson where the
journalist reports on an event through their own experiences. I think. Anyway,
Johnny is a journalist who goes to Puerto Rico to work with a small newspaper
and gets sucked in by the lifestyle. Funny and weird, give it a try. You should
like it. Go on now.
Young Adult (2011) Sky Indie, 10pm
If a film has Charlize Theron in it, it’s gonna sit well
with me. I love the woman. Not only is she insanely hot, but she also seems to
be insanely cool in real life as well (when I say real life, I mean what I’ve
seen of her on the screen… in real life), and a bit of a weird sense of humour.
Exhibit a, Charlize’s kinky sex tape…
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c5e03765ed/charlize-therons-kinky-sex-tape
So yeah, if anyone knows Charlize, or Charlize if you’re
reading: Come and get me baby.
Anyway, the film! Future Mrs Malin is a writer who returns
home to seek out her high school sweetheart. But seeing as she is slightly
dysfunctional and still carries around her reputation as being the bitch from
her more formative days, things don’t go exactly to plan. When do they ever,
hey? Funny and well written, I highly recommend. So yeah, watch it.
I love you Charlize.
A Clockwork Orange (1971) Sky Indie, 11.35pm
If you like your films dark, disturbing and dystopian then
you can’t get much better than this. The infamous film directed by Stanley
Kubrich which follows Alex (played by Malcolm McDowell) and his droogs (his
crew, keep up) wreaking havoc on a future gone wrong. When Alex does one rape
to many and is betrayed by his friends he is then entered into an experimental
treatment process – but at what cost? Calling it visionary would be an
understatement - everything is crafted with an eerie (yet undeniable) quality,
including the iconic music. Banned in its day because of its uber-violence,
this is one film that really wanted to push the boundaries and ask some
questions along the way.
Wednesday 9th January
All About Eve (1950) Sky Classics, 7pm
Another one I have been waiting aaaaaaages to come on,
everywhere you look this is as seen as a classic. Bette Davis is an aging diva
who has a young up and comer (Anne Baxter) after her throne. Empire has given
it 5 stars. It has 8.4 on IMDB. This should be essential viewing for any avid
cinema lover.
Super 8 (2011) Sky Action 6pm
Yes the ending gets a bit stuck up its own arse as JJ Abrams
goes after Spielberg (who produced the film – pull you nose out, J), but I really
like it nonetheless. It follows a group of children who are trying to make a
feature film but in the process unwittingly record a massive government cover
up going wrong. And by massive government cover up I mean massive, terrifying
alien (are there any other types of cover up). The film then has a mix of the
aforementioned alien tearing up the whole damn place and the government trying
to keep everything under wraps… fun right? Well it is – the film really does
tug at the child inside of you and carries a mix of adventure fused with scares
throughout. Deffo worth your time.
Ong-Bak (2003) Sky Indie 11.45
This film is one of the most enjoyable experiences I’ve had
in the cinema because I totally wasn’t prepared for the amount of unbelievably
cool action then was in it. Tony Jaa is… well it’s not really important what he’s
up to (for the record he’s pissed off about an elephant, or something, as you
do), what is important is the amount of unholy ass he kicks. What I love about
this film is just when you think you’ve seen this amazing athlete out do himself,
he then goes and out does himself again, to the point where you’re screaming at
the end of the movie because it’s first time you’ve seen a man get his head
crushed in that makes you feel happy ‘down there’.
Thursday 10th January
Up (2009) BBC3, 8PM
If you can make it past the first 5 minutes without crying
then you are a bigger man than me. Put simply the first 5 minutes are cinematic
gold… heart crushing cinematic gold, but gold none the less. It’s almost unfair
on the rest of the film to start it that well but it just about holds up – even
if it doesn’t quite reach the same heights (pun intended). As is typical for
Pixar we got a beautiful film that has a powerful heart at the centre of it, enough
jokes to please both children and adults, plus lots of memorable characters you’ll
be quoting for a long time after watching (I’m looking particularly at you,
Doug). Great cinema, sit back and enjoy.
Blue Valentine (2010) Film4, 11.15
Ah Mr Gosling, I’ve been expecting you. You probably think
as this film has my number one man crush in it that I am automatically going to
love it – and you’d be right, but not for the reasons you might think. Super
abs isn’t his amazingly cool self here (well he is still kinda cool), instead
he is a dad trying to keep his family together after cupids arrow has been
eroded away by the pressures of reality. The film follows Ryan and Michelle
Williams as we see them fall in love and then back out again - Crazy Stupid
Love this aint I’ll warn you, instead we have a stark portrayal of a
relationship that even when you think you’ve met the right person it doesn’t necessarily
mean it’ll work out. Still this is an amazing film so make sure you watch it.
Now three films that you’ve either a) watched or b)should of
watched but I’ve recommended before:
Batman Begins (2005) Sky Action, 11.15: Often over looked
because of its two bigger older brothers, but, really, it’s just as good. Mixes
both scenes that will blow your mind (“swear to me!!”) and tug at the
heartstrings (“Why do we fall?”), it really is a great great film that I can’t
recommend highly enough.
Boogie Nights (1997) Sky Indie, Midnight: I really do
despair that more people haven’t seen this (I actually do), so please just
watch it. Go on. Now. Please? Mark Wahlberg is the young buck getting into porn
but finds out it’s not all that is cracked up to be in Paul Thomas Anderson’s
masterpiece.
We Need to Talk About Kevin (2011) Sky Indie, 8pm: Possibly
the most depressing and disturbing film I have ever watched, so if that sounds
like your thing make sure you watch it. Tilda Swinton brings up her son who
just happens to have murder on the mind…
Friday 11th
January
Big Trouble in Little China (1986) 10.15PM
It’s Friday night, you’re not going out (I presume), so what
do you want? If you said casual sex then I can’t help you there (well, it
depends actually, Charlize are you reading?). But, if you said a really fun
movie featuring Kurt Russell and martial arts then you are in luck my friend, cause
that’s exactly what I have here for you! This film is bat shit mental, but you
won’t find too many more films you will have a better time with. Kurt walks
into a war between two rival martial art toting factions and all hell breaks
loose involving guns, monsters and Kim Cattrall. Just watch it.
The Sting (1973) Sky Classics, 8.50 pm
Ah they don’t make them like they used too… Robert Redford
and Paul Newman take us for a ride involving scams and gambling all the while
making sure they give a nice wink and smile to the ever grateful audience. You
cannot help but be charmed by these two legends of the screen as they pull
every dirty trick in the book to get what they want. Highly recommended.
Ocean’s Eleven (2001) ITV2 11.45
Did I say they don’t make them as they used to? Well I was
wrong (kinda), and it’s down to these two, the modern day Newman and Redford, monsieur’s
Pitt and Clooney. Yes you have watched this film before but I am still
recommending it. This is because a) it was a nice link from my previous
recommendation and b) there’s not much else on tonight, it’s Friday, you want
to watch something smooth so here we go…ta da.
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