Good Lord I am tired! Geez Louise! Well that’s what a
weekend in Brighton will do to you. Yes, yes, “shock horror, Malin went to
Brighton”, but it’s actually a good night where a lot of (straight) women
frequent, so leave your gay jokes to one side please (although as I didn’t pull
in Brighton I can only presume I just happened to go to several lesbian bars in
a row – of all the luck). Despite my attempts to reassure you of my heterosexuality,
I did end up with my friends at gay after club (look the music was really good)
and at one point I was comforting a rather burly transsexual by the name of
Geraldine - he really was upset and I felt compelled to say something while I
was waiting for my friend Joanne to get me a drink. I finally decided that the
best thing was to say was, “don’t worry, there’s a sea of men just waiting for
you out there Geraldine!” then gestured emphatically to draw focus to the dance
floor which was heavily populated by lots of gyrating men. Thinking the
realisation of a potential rebound bought on by my words of comfort would turn
those tears of sadness to tears of joy was misguided and ill-judged for several
reasons:
a)
The sea of gyrating scantily clad men was not
exactly subtle. Even if Geraldine was highly intoxicated it would be quite hard
to miss a whole dance floor of semi naked men, so this as a result made me look
mildly stupid, slightly naive and almost certainly incredibly vulnerable.
b)
The emphatic gesture which was intended to draw
focus to the dance floor in a rather dramatic was amazingly camp – even for my
lofty standards. This again made me look mildly stupid, slightly naive and almost
certainly incredibly vulnerable
c)
The dance floor that I emphatically gestured
towards was the dance floor that I was currently on. This confirmed beyond all
doubt that I was mildly stupid, slightly naïve and was indeed incredibly
vulnerable.
d)
Geraldine was about twice the size of me and was
now rubbing my jacket.
I really don’t help myself. Luckily at this point I could
spot Jo in my peripheral vision bee lining towards me with our drinks so I let
out something about my girlfriend and (not for the first time tonight)
emphatically gestured in her direction. Geraldine looked in Jo’s direction and
then back at mine. She/he didn’t look happy. Perhaps sensing the fear that
engulfed me typified by the fact I was not making eye contact with Geraldine
like she was some rather territorial Gorilla dressed in drag, she snarled some
obscenity and went on to ensnare some other (more willing) olive branch.
Why on Earth am I telling you all this? It was a pretty wild
weekend; I’m pretty tired, so not many recommendations tonight. Hell if it wasn’t
for this film I probably wouldn’t have done one….
Paris, Texas (1984) FILM4 12.30am
I was glancing through the TV guide this fine evening and
spotted this. Despite Geraldine’s stare still burnt into my retinas I was able
to recall some other memory which indicated that this could be a good film. Low
and behold I was right, checking the TV guide’s more in depth section gave the
film full marks and this was backed up by Empire’s 5* review. So, it’s meant to
be pretty good then. The plot sounds intriguing enough – a man, who has been
missing for several years, resurfaces suffering from Amnesia and starts to
piece his life back together – and why he walked out on it in the first place.
Here’s EmpireOnline’s review…
Set your recorders for it because it looks mega decent. Plus
it has Harry Dean Stanton in it, so you know it’s gonna be good. If you know
who Harry Dean Stanton is, that is.
http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=119105
Wednesday
Quite a few on tonight so let’s get cracking…
American Gangster (2007) ITV4 10pm
Everyone loves Denzel. Even Russell Crowe it seems who looks
resigned to the fact he is playing second fiddle to the living legend. And we,
as rational, logical people cherish any time we get to see Mr Washington on
screen (even, ahem… Safe House… to an extent). Ridley Scott directs this fun
gangster romp about a Harlem gang leader taking on the pesky Mafia.
The Matrix (1999) 5* 9pm
One of the most important sci-fi films of all times for our
Wednesday night entertainment. Oh, 1999, it seemed like it was going to be such
a simple and predictable year… The millennium was closing in and a sci-fi film
was going to herald the dawn of a new era. Only, it just wasn’t the film that
everyone expected. The Phantom Menace was released, to erm, mixed reviews, and
The Matrix re-wrote the rule book. Re-wrote the rule book when it came to
action, sci-fi, viral marketing, philosophy in film, Keanu Reeves… This films influence
cannot be underestimated. You know the score… Keanu is awoken from his ‘reality’
to discover life is not quite what it seems. Throw in some robots, bullet time,
martial arts and a sage by the name of Morpheus and, sir, you got yourself one
hell of a film.
Insomnia (2002) BBC1 11.05pm
Nolan’s black sheep of the family. Although that’s a little
bit like saying ‘The Saturday’s ugliest member’ (Rochelle)… she’s still good
quality and you definitely would so stop moaning. It might not be Christopher’s
best film, but it’s certainly a very good watch. Al Pacino is the disgraced cop
who goes a bit off track when he is tracking Robin William’s serial killer.
Psychological thriller which should keep your attention.
Office Space (1999) TCM 10.55pm
This doesn’t have quite as much acclaim as it should in the
popular masses, so here is your chance to rectify that. Mike Judge (he of ‘King
of the Hill’ and ‘Beavis and Butt-Head’) turns his hand to live action in this
tale of a man (Ron Livingstone) trying his hardest to get fired from his soul
destroying job. Very funny, make sure you give it ago.
Lockout (2012) Sky Premiere 10.20pm
I haven’t seen this yet but from what I can ascertain it’s
one of those films where you turn your brain off and just sit back and enjoy
all the explosions and booms and stuff. Guy Pearce is the only guy who can save
the day when the president’s daughter is taken hostage on an intergalactic prison.
It ain’t gonna be Citizen Kane, no, but it will probably give you ample
entertainment. Here's EmpireOnline's review.... although it ain't that good...
Thursday
Crap night really for showing you something different, BUT
still some great films on… y’am just probably familiar with them is all…
Scarface (1983) ITV4 10.30pm
Pacino… M16… Copious amounts of drugs. Personally, I think
it is a good film, not great. I think it’s more iconic than anything else and
the love that people garner it with is usually related to the lifestyle that Mr
Scarface exhibits. The power, the women, the money… understandably gangsters
are quite fond of it, and so are 90’s rap stars who want to be gangsters, so a
lot of people just followed suit I guess.
Black Hawk Down (2001) Sky Greats 8pm
Again, another film that’s good, but not great. The action
is brilliant and few war films match it for style… But when it comes to
substance it’s a little thin on the ground. This is also reflected in the cast…
very showy, but no one really stands out as exceptional. Christ I seem in a
really bad mood tonight but I’m actually in quite a chipper mood!
Collateral (2004) Sky Select 10pm
This is great… but not brilliant. Oh, I’m a right little
bugger tonight aren’t I? Christ I feel lonely… anyway, Tom Cruise and Jamie
Foxx star in this sexy thriller directed by Michael Mann (he of Heat and Last
of the Mohicans). It looks bloody gorgeous and when the action starts it’s
frantic and fast paced – everything you’d expect from the director of possibly
the greatest shoot out of all time (see Heat’s bank robbery). Perhaps asks too
little emotional investment from the audience which stops it from becoming one
of the all-time greats, but nevertheless it will entertain and dazzle in equal
measure.
The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011) Sky Drama/Romance
I’m including this not to be biased – my parent’s love it
and it got quite good reviews. Hell I think all old people love, it just seems
to be one of those films that is celluloid version of a hot water bottle –
comforting, about as much excitement as you can get post 50, and makes funny
noises when you want it too. Here’s EmpireOnline’s review…
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zizzou (2004) BBC1 11.30pm
I’ve just put this here so the hipsters (if any are reading)
don’t get their titties in the twist. And to them I say – you know it’s not Wes
Anderson’s best film, just accept it’s not that great and go and stick on
Rushmore again… or wait for tomorrow where you can watch Moonrise Kingdom.
Friday
The Disappearance of Alice Creed (2009) BBC1 11.55pm
This is definitely worth a watch. It’s very tidy little nail
biter that will keep you attention – even if it is a Friday night and most people
are out enjoying themselves. Lame. Anyway, you could do a lot worse than the
line up tonight so shut up moaning you big loser. The film follows a kidnapping
of a wealthy bloke’s daughter by two criminals hoping to hit the big time.
While they negotiate a ransom they keep the daughter hostage and that’s when it
all starts to go wrong, perhaps things are not as simple as they seem... Cast
includes the impressive Willie Marsden and the impressively beautiful Gemma
Arteton.
Heat (1995) FILM4 9pm
If you saw the phrase ‘powerhouse film’ and wanted a film to
define said phrase then this could be the very film for you. Powerhouse cast,
powerhouse director, powerhouse dialogue, and finally (but arguably most
memorably) powerhouse action. Now, I say ‘arguably’ because this film witness
the first time that Al Pacino and Robert De Niro share screen time together
after being the finest actors of their generation, but, the action is just that
good. This film has the greatest shoot out of all time. Bar none. When cops get
wind of a bank heist taking place, they get themselves ready to take on the bank
robbers head on with superior numbers. Only they didn’t count on every member
of the gang having M16 rifles at the ready – and boy do they know how to use
them - quite literally it seems as Val Kilmer is credited by the US Army as
doing a perfect reload in the film. So much so they have shown the video to
training recruits. The film is cool, intense and smart – it really is a class
act to follow. And follow they did, Christopher Nolan used this film as his template
when making The Dark Knight, which can most notably be seen in the film’s
opening. So much so they actually incorporate Heat actor William Fichtner.
Moonrise Kingdom (2012) Sky Premier 10.10pm
Here we are, one for the hipsters again with Wes Anderson's latest. OK I'm being a bit unfair here cause most of the reports proclaim this to be very very good... So no need to keep ringing your Rushmore bell anymore and get all defensive over Tenenbaums or Zizzou. Classy cast including Bruce Willis and Ed Norton, this is the tale of a 12 year old boy running away to meet his pen pal. As it's Anderson, expect it to be subtle, funny and quirky. Despite my faux resentment I'll deffo be watching this. Here's EmpireOnline
http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=119105
No comments:
Post a Comment