[Insert mildly amusing and sometimes topical intro here]
Monday
Once Upon a Time in the West (1968) Sky Classics 7.30pm
I’m always slightly concerned when I come to write my blog
at the start of the week and Monday is good. It just very rarely bodes well for
the rest of the week, almost like it has been jinxed. I dare not look at the
rest of the TV guide now as I am of a nervous disposition following a
particularly messy weekend in London (eurgh) – but while my bodily organs
re-arrange themselves, I can focus on this, a film Empire describes as the
greatest western of all time. While I am in no position to either confirm or
deny (regular readers will know I am working on my knowledge of Westerns – then
after I have completed that I will be able to work on not being a cunt), I can
confirm that this is an AMAZING film. Lazy writing with capital letters aside, it
is seriously cool, and if you want to question how cool it is then just watch
the opening scene, when Harmonica (Charles Bronson) comes to town. The tune
that Harmonica lets out of his instrument of choice (can you guess what it
is?), will be instantly recognisable even if you are not familiar with the film
itself, and just showcases the quality that has been poured into every aspect
of this film. The film follows the aforementioned Harmonica joining forces with
Cheyenne (Jason Robards) as they hunt down the killer of a young woman’s
husband and family, Henry Fonda’s Frank. It’s a beautiful, grandiose film that
is the directors best work, and considering as he also did A Fistful of Dollars
and The Good, The Bad and The Ugly then it’s worth a bit of respect. I guess.
Margaret (2011) Sky Indie 10pm
You know I love a choice from Sky Indie, and no (for the
more cynical out there), it’s not (just) because I can get on my film fan
pedestal while swinging my dick around shouting out such words as ‘alternative’,
‘edgy’ and ‘real’. It’s because the channel throws up little gems that I am not
aware of – and yes maybe it is a bit arrogant, but I’m guessing the majority of
you are not familiar with them either (feel free to correct me). But here we
have this (potential) gem – Anna Paquin (her of True Blood fame) playing a girl
who witnesses a fatal bus crash who feels obliged to ‘set things right’ as she
feels she unwittingly played some part. Through this process she starts to turn
her life upside down as her youthful exuberance comes into conflict with the
realities of the real world. Empire says it is good, so worth a try! Then go
into work tomorrow claiming you watched a film that only ‘true film’ fans would
know about it and see how popular you are with everyone. It’s great – in that
it’s great to cry yourself asleep every night. Alone. And wet (don’t ask).
Quite a few films for your viewing pleasure tonight, huzzah!
Here we go….
The Artist (2011) Sky Drama/Romance 8pm – ‘Silent film takes
world by storm shock!’ were not the literal headlines, but they were not far
off. It’s a brilliant film worth everyone’s
time, so make sure you give it a go, yeah?
Roadtrip (2000) Sky Comedy 9.40 – I wonder if this film is
as funny as I remember it. Well if it doesn’t have chimpanzee’s playing football
or a dog smiling/talking/dancing/being a dog then probably not, but I’m sure
you are curious as well as I loved this film back in the day.
Speed (1994) 5* 9pm – ‘Oh darn’, now here’s a film I’ll know
I’ll still like! ‘Pop quiz hotshot…’, what’s a film with great action, a great
soundtrack, Keanu looking great, and is just generally great? Speed
motherfucker, that’s what.
Brokeback Mountain (2005) FILM4
Surprisingly I have not watched this film. Unsurprisingly I
really do want to see it and have been looking forward to it for a while. No
not because I’m gay (I’m not gay, I can’t stress that enough), or I just like to
watch bumming but definitely not join in. Nor is it because I harbour any
ambition of being a cowboy, let alone a gay cowboy or a straight cowboy that
gets drunk from time to time and does things with other straight drunk cowboys
that I would never usually do, it’s just I was drunk and if you tell anyone I’ll
kick your ass. No I simply want to watch it because it is a very good film
about forbidden love… between two gay cowboys. And I love Heath Ledger. In a
straight way that is. Not a straight drunk cowboy who goes to straight drunk
cowboy bars on the weekend just because the music is good, and definitely not
any other reason.
Here’s EmpireOnline’s review, 5 *’s by the way…
Big Trouble in Little China (1986) Sky Modern 10pm
If you want an utterly ridiculous film that is lots of fun
and has Kurt Russell in it then here you go. It’s brilliantly whacky, does not
take itself too seriously and has loads of mystical martial arts thrown into
boot as well. John Carpenter goes against type with this film and shows he
knows how to have a good time as opposed to scaring the shit out of everyone
(he also directed horror classic’s The Thing and Halloween). To try and give
you a taste of what the film is about – Kurt plays truck driver Jack Burton, a
very manly man who drives a truck and is very much is his own boss. Jack one of
his jobs becomes embroiled in an ancient war between two warring mystical
martial art factions. His truck gets stolen along with his mate’s fiancé, so
Jack, not being one to take shit from people, goes on an adventure to get it
back. It really is a lovely film and well worth your time. Just don’t take it
too seriously.
Love and Other Drugs (2010) Sky Comedy 11.35pm
Entertaining rom-com with an edge starring Anne Hathaway and
Jake Gyllenhaal. Jake plays Jamie Randall, a guy trying to make it big in
medical sales being a Drug Representative who falls for wildcat Maggie Murdock –
who just happens to be a Parkinson’s sufferer. What follows is not your usual
Rom-Com as it will make you laugh and make you cry – hey, maybe it is your
usual rom-com after all… Ok maybe the quality of the film is what
differentiates it from the rest, Jake and Anne are great, the script is sharp
and very sexy – this owes a lot though to how good Anne looks naked as well.
See, I’m not gay! Promise!
I miss Heath L
Wednesday
Tremors (1989) ITV4 10.05pm
Kevin Bacon, he of the EE advert fame, used to do movies you
know? Actually, that’s a bit unfair; you know full well he does movies. I mean
who am I to judge anyway, me sitting here in the study of my parent’s house
wearing a Marks and Spencer’s suit, writing this blog. .. God I make myself
sick sometimes. Don’t get me wrong, the suit’s nice and everything, it’s just I
was a bit mean to Kevin when I shouldn’t of been.
Sorry Kev.
Anyway, here we have a very fun film that does not take
itself too seriously, much like the entertaining fare that was Big Trouble in
Little China last night – Kevin is one part of a duo that stroll into a small
town in the American Mid-West which just so happens to be under siege by an
army of giant, man eating worms. Yes, you guessed it, a classic love film then.
It’s a great little watch, have a joyous time with it.
The Odd Couple (1968) Sky Classics 8pm
Is there any chance of you watching this? Is there really? I
get the distinct feeling when I recommend films pre 1980 that they instantly
get disregarded as being old and boring. And yes, sometimes that can be the
case. Popular taste does have a habit of changing after all – I mean have you
seen what they used to wear in the 18th century? Geez! But in the
case of this film, it really is as entertaining today as it has ever been. It
features one of the great screen duos of all time in Walther Matthau and Jack
Lemon as the friends who decide to live together despite their differing
habitual habits. It really is a classic and one I whole heartedly recommend.
American Psycho (2000) Sky Modern Greats 10.05pm
I didn’t recommend this too long ago, but it’s a bit of a
quiet night and I just want to make sure everyone has watched it. First of all,
it’s probably not what you think it’s going to be. What do you think it’s gonna
be? Probably a film that is set in the 80’s about some young 80’s businessman
dude goes around hacking people up. And
is it that?! Well, yes… kinda. But it’s so much more! Focusing in on the
attitude that was prevalent at the time – namely the yuppy culture’s obsession
with money and everything having to ‘bigger’,’ better’, and ‘louder’, this
follows one man need to prevail over his counterparts one step further when he
dreams of killing pretty much anyone who he comes into contact with The film is
about as much a horror as it is a satirical comedy, which is very much a
juxtaposition of contrasting ideologies and gives you an idea of the ‘unique’
film you are about to witness. Enjoy.
Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Comedy 10.30pm
The abs, man! Look at the abs!
Thursday
Tonight is crap and I’m rushed for time so apologies for the
quick run through and poor grammar.
Moneyball (2011) Sky Drama/Romance 8pm
Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill bring to life an Aaron Sorkin (he
of West Wing and Social Network) screenplay about baseball. Hang on, stay with
me here, it’s quite interesting. Jonah Hill is an economics graduate who
notices that baseball is one big collection of predictable statistics –
something else no one else has picked up on (keep going it’s a good film).
No-one until Brad Pitt takes notices though! (Brad is not called Brad in this
production but I haven't got time to go on IMDB to check what the character’s name is – one could
argue that the amount of focus I’ve drawn to my lack of research could of
easily covered the amount of time
taken that could of alternatively been used to go on IMDB, but I’m gonna stick to my
principles here – or lack thereof). Brad is in charge of a struggling baseball
team and needs some good, yet cheap options to help fire the team back into
the big time, which is where Jonah comes in (again he is not called Jonah, just
I’m short of time… oh you remember the reason, why on earth am I still typing).
Decent film and an interesting watch.
Avengers Assemble (2012) Sky Action 9pm
Surely you know about this.
Training Day (2001) ITV4 10.35pm
And this.
William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet (1996) Sky Drama/Romance
8pm
This you may be aware of, but you may not have watched.
Please do, it’s one of the coolest films every committed to celluloid.
Anyway, glad that’s out of the way, again sorry about the
rush…
Friday
Monsters (2010) FILM4 9pm
Some of you may know this, and some of you may not, but
Godzilla is being remade. Yes, the original big monster movie is coming to the
silver screen once again after sufficient time has passed since the 1998 remake
monstrosity starring Matthew Broderick. Good Lord it was bad… Anyway, some of
you may know it is being made by English director Gareth Edwards. Interesting
thing is about this is that Gareth has only made one film before, and that was
funded by a competition he won in which he had to create 10 minute short film in under 48
hours. So Gareth - just to labour the
point – won a competition, then made one film on a shoe string budget funded by
the prize money, AND now he is directing a major Hollywood motion picture. Good
Lord. For the less perceptive of you out there, Monsters is the movie Gareth
made with the prize money. For the more perceptive of you out there you must
also be thinking ‘fuck me, to make one film and THEN be given a massive budget
to resurrect a massive franchise means that that one fucking film must have
been fucking good’. And to the more perceptive of you out there I say, ‘yes.
Yes you are right’. Now firstly dispel any notions of Monsters will have monsters trouncing all
over the place and destroying things, this is not that kind of film. Firstly
the special effects were basically created by Gareth on a home computer. That’s
not to say when you do see the effects they are not amazing, they are just
used…. Appropriately. Anyway, the plot –
Earth has been invaded by aliens who have been consigned to ‘infected zones’. Kaulder is
a journalist working in South America who is instructed by his boss to pick up
his stranded daughter and bring her back home safely. Naturally the only way to
do this is travel through the infected zone. What follows is a tense, yet
often, delicate film as we see the relationship between the two grow in amongst
the Chaos. Don’t expect to see ‘monsters’ going round everywhere destroying
everything, just try and watch the film without preconceived notions and you’ll
have a blast. Especially when you pair it up with….
Cloverfield (2008) FILM4 10.50pm
Wow, what a fucking double bill! Especially considering
that even though Monsters is quite tense, it also has some very tender moments – none so
with this beast. Destruction is very much the order of the day! Basically a
massive creature from the depths is awoken and decides to attack New York.
Cloverfield follows 5 New Yorkers simply trying to survive – not save the day,
just save themselves. It’s a film that will leave you on the edge of your chair
throughout. Excellent film from producer J.J Abrams .
Scream (1996) BBC1 11.50pm
Man, I miss one fucking night and a shit loads of great
films! Thank God for Sky+… Anyway, here is the film that reinvented a dying genre
and ironically spawned a new wave of horror films that kind of missed the point
of the preacher that inspired them. It’s a great slasher which is amazingly
self aware and uses it to its advantage in creating something truly innovative
and fresh. Brilliant.
Rest of the week to follow
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