Decent Films to Watch This Week (29/4/13)

Monday

Again, a usual hurried Monday... I do apologise...

 

Donnie Darko (2001) Sky Select 12.00 am

So, just to give you a gist about how this goes – the titular character, Donnie, is visited by a giant rabbit that then proceeds to inform young Donnie about a future apocalypse. If you think watching this film will shed more light on proceedings then you’d be wrong, at the end of this movie you’ll have a look on your face that would be reminiscent of the expression that follows spontaneously wetting yourself. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though – the film is mind boggling, yes, but this all adds to the bafflingly fantastic ride you’re about to go on. You’ll have never seen anything like it before.

 

And if you're really desperate...

Speed (1994) Sky Action 9pm

Classic action with Mr Neo himself, Keanu Reeves.

Iron Man (2008) Film 4 9pm

In case Iron Man 3 being released inspires you to go back where it all began…

Tuesday

Predator (1987) Film4 9pm & Film4 +1 10pm

Wow – can you get a more manly film than this? There are certainly not many films that can get men giddy in anticipation as this anyway… maybe Die Hard (which should come as no surprise as both films share the same director, John McTiernan - it’s just unfortunate that due to a few court problems he won’t be directing anything else for a while… shame). Why oh why does this film get men so giddy? Right from the off you know the films means business - we see a helicopter lower in from the heavens with Alan Silvestri’s score bellowing out (a soundtrack so masculine that it could only be more masculine if it had women groaning in pleasure over the top mixed in with cans of Lager opening). The helicopter lands and heralds the arrival of some fellas you really don’t want to mess with. They dutifully pour out of the chopper eager to start bringing the pain, and just when we think we’ve seen them all we realise we haven’t…  The biggest and baddest ain’t even considered getting out of the plane yet. He’ll get out when he’s god damn ready. We’re looking at man who is able to crush pine trees in his fist. A man who could light a stick of dynamite off his stubble. A man who looks like he’d keep a Tyrannosarus Rex as a pet… a man… a man named Arnie. Just the start makes you get excited and we haven’t seen anything really yet. We haven’t even heard any dialogue… just from the start though you know you’re about to witness something special. The start certainly doesn’t set you up for disappointment either, hell, how could it – a special forces marine unit goes on a rescue mission against some foreign scum rebel types, but come under attack from an invisible alien who likes to hunt for sport…. What a premise! Even though some of the acting gets a bit cheesy sometimes, you really don’t care, because it’s exactly what you want from the group of badasses you’re watching. You want them to have arm wrestles in mid-air, you want them to be continually engaging in one up man ship the whole time – if the male genitalia could be represented as a film, then this would be that film – the movie has testosterone all over the damn place! This makes all the more sense when you realise that the antagonist of the film, the Predator, has an oversized  and grotesque pussy for a face. Yep, the thing that is most destructive to the male way of life, the woman, is the bad guy in this film. What you have is a group of blokes, doing what they like to do best – blowing shit up – and then the embodiment of woman has to come and ruin it. That’s why blokes love this film, they can relate to what Arnie is going through - the pain of having ones ambitions continually checked by female inhibition. Anyway the men do what they do best and try to fuck the pussy. Not literally of course, they use very big guns in order to do this, but the results are just as entertaining. The woman/predator is characteristically stubborn and picks off the men one by one leading to a tense finale which sets up the ultimate man against the ultimate woman, but getting to that point is so much fun. The shootouts, the predators array of tricks, the endless quotable nature of the film…. Christ it’s probably the quotes that keep men coming back, they are just so frickin’ many! Every man reading this will instantaneously think of ‘get to the choppa!’, but then there are just so more underneath that, every individual will have their own favourites and there are plenty to choose from (‘you son of a bitch!’). That’s another reason why this film is so good, there are so many good bits to focus on that you will have a chat with someone, mention your favourite bit, you’ll both go mental, then he’ll mention his favourite bit, and then you’ll both go mental again. Then some stranger will be listening on the other table, he’ll mention his favourite bit, and you’ll all go mental together. Good times…

So yeah, why is the film so good? Well in summary, it’s cause it has hard blokes with massive guns trying to fuck an alien which looks like a pussy, in the jungle, while quoting unholy levels of badassery.

That’s why.

Decent Films to Watch This Week (23/4/13)

Tuesday

 

 

 

LA Confidential (1997) ITV4 10pm

Delightful, a Chris Malin “top 10-er” to start the week with!

Kind of…

It’s Tuesday after all…

Sorry…

Ropey scheduling aside this really is a class above most of other films you’ll see so I’m glad we start off my quaint little blog with such quality… Defensive issues aside, let’s try and get to the bottom of why this film about the drugs trade in 1950’s LA is such a good film. Perhaps it’s the ensemble cast, with Messer’s Spacey, Crowe and Pearce. The film follows three detectives - none of them in particular the main character. This means that we have to be interested in them all; we can’t be waiting for one to get off the screen as we wait to see our favourite back on. The casting of each of the detectives is so good, and each character so fleshed out, that it solves this particular conundrum perfectly and makes us as an audience unable to route for just one– all of the detectives have their attributes and their down falls. Guy Pearce’s Ed Exley is the ambitious detective whose political genius is matched only by disregard/inability to being ‘likeable’. Kevin Spacey’s Jack Vincennes is the exact opposite - able to manipulate the people around him for his own stardom, but is unable to play the long game. Then we have Russell Crowe’s Bud White, who likes to work with a ‘punch first ask questions later’ attitude which has a habit of spilling over and masking his more thoughtful side. Each of the characters fascinate us and even though the film follows each detectives different thread, none feel like the runt of the bunch – each story strand is just as captivating as the next.  Talking of the story, this leads us nicely on to another reason why the film excels – the writing and the direction. Helmed by Curtis Hanson (he of 8 Mile) who also wrote the screen play along with Brian Helgeland (Mystic River, Man On Fire), manages to juggle the aforementioned different threads seamlessly – what’s that? Oh the plot you say? Yes I am sorry, I quite got carried away – the film takes places in 1950’S Los Angeles as a power vacuum has opened up in the City of Angel’s drug trade following a mob boss’s assassination. As different people try and fill the gap, corruption and crime sweep the city which leads 3 differing cops to get involved with their own particular brand of justice… Intriguing, huh?  As I said, the threads are multiple and the setup is complicated, so the fact that everything flows so smoothly is a miracle. The screenplay is oh so smart, and sizzles just as much as the LA sun. There’s never a dull moment and the world created by the film is to die for…. 1950’s LA looks gorgeous which makes the seedy underbelly it hides all the more fascinating. The supporting cast are almost as interesting as the three leads - we want to know as much about the world that Elroy has created as possible because at the centre of the story is a living breathing heart – albeit a very dark one – that just comes to life with all these characters who want to be someone. Be the most famous person alive, be the biggest mob boss, heck, even just some people’s desire just to be happy – every character has a motivation, and we as an audience are sucked into this believable fantasy. Maybe, even, on some level, we are envious that we are not part of this tale of glitz, glamour and gangsters.  That, I think, is the main reason why this film is so good, it creates a story you are fascinated by, but all the time you are able to sympathise with these outlandish characters that, despite their shortcomings, are all very human at the centre

Or perhaps it’s just because it’s all so frickin’ cool.

There’s Something About Mary (1998) FILM4 10.40pm

The (all too) early peak of the Farrelly Brother’s work. Yes, it’s arguable whether Dumb and Dumber is just as funny (or even funnier), but what this film did was put them on the map. How did it manage this whereas Dumb and Dumber did not? Well it did it in a similar manner in which American Pie did it when I spoke about the take of 4 lads trying to lose their virginity a couple of weeks ago. Hell it does it in the same way that all the great comedies do it – it’s funny… and it’s iconic. Dumb and Dumber has a similar hit rate as There’s Something About Mary - the jokes come just as thick and fast, plus are of the same quality. However, There’s Something About Mary had set pieces that entered the public eye. Everyone knew about Mary’s gel problem. Everyone knew about Ted’s zip problem. Just like everyone knows about Jim’s pie problem. The set pieces were so shocking, so disgusting and yet so funny, it’s induction to comedies hall of fame was inevitable. For those unfamiliar with the setup, the film follows Ted. Ted has a crush on Mary. Something happens between the two on prom night that means they don’t see each for a long time then they run into each other again. That’s all you need to know. These days I think Dumb and Dumber is looked upon more fondly then There’s Something About Mary (maybe it is funnier), and less people return to Ted’s tale of trying to get the woman he loves (when was the last time you watched it?), but I think this is only a result of how popular it was when it first came out – everyone’s just watched it so damn much (maybe a lot more than they watched Dumb and Dumber). Maybe this is a good time to become reunited with an old favourite. I’m pretty sure it will be as funny as it always was.

“Step into my office”.

Wednesday

Munich (2005) BBC1 11.05pm

“If any of us get laid tonight it’s because of Eric Bana in Munich” so says Seth Rogen in the comedy Knocked Up. To be fair, it’s no wonder he feels so empowered because it is a great movie. About Jewish people. Jewish people kicking ass. Right, let me dispel any notions of this being like Inglorious Basterds – in fact I’ve probably given totally the wrong impression about this film from my opening statement. So let’s start again.

Here we have Steven Spielberg’s powerful film about an Israeli hit squad out to avenge the murders of their fellow countrymen committed by Palestinian operatives. As Spielberg demonstrated with Schindler’s List, he has the innate ability to balance spectacle and sentiment seamlessly, and that is on full show here. What we have is a film that is able to amazingly thought provoking which never gets weighed down to the point where the film stands still – you’ll be breathlessly moved throughout between moral conundrums and tense action. A stellar cast including Eric Bana, Daniel Craig and Geoffrey Rush help Spielberg bring his vision to screen. Great cinema.

That was more appropriate in the end wasn’t it? More boring, yes, but way  more appropriate.  

Moving swiftly on….

Sleepers (1996) ITV4 10pm

Talking of stellar casts… Here we have a great film I haven’t watched in a long time, so I do hope time has been kind to it (I’m sure it has). Four lads pull a prank that goes HORRIBLY (capitals necessary) wrong and they end up in a detention centre for 10 years where they are brutalized in an extremely cruel way. Upon their release they are understandably a bit irked and decide to get their revenge. As I said I haven’t watched this is in quite a while, but at the time I can remember thinking ‘woah’. It packs an emotional punch and the performances from a cast that includes Brad Pitt, Dustin Hoffman, Bobby De Niro and Mr connected himself, Kevin Bacon.

Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988) FILM4 9pm

I have probably watched this film over a 100 times and it will still have me in stiches every time I watch it. The main reason because of this is no matter how ludicrous what is happening on screen, no matter what ridiculous line is being espoused, no matter anything, Leslie Nielsen manages to somehow play it straighter than George Clooney holding a ruler on a straight and narrow road during a straightening competition while having his hair straightened. Ok, maybe not the last bit, but you get from I’m coming from. Leslie Nielsen plays Lt. Frank Drebin, a detective who makes Inspector Clouseau look like Poirot (loving the similes tonight) is part of police squad – the most inept elite squad of cops going. Queen Elizabeth is coming to town and it seems Frank is the only man who is able to stop her from being assassinated (somehow). The gags in this are second to none (I rate this higher than Aeroplane!), you’ve always got to have an eye on the background for one of the many sight gags going, and be prepared for the silly. This is intelligent silly though, not White Chicks brain dead silly. So yeah, enjoy Chris Malin’s favourite comedy of all time.

“Nice beaver!”

Thursday

Natural Born Killers (1994) ITV4 10.10pm

Look I have a life you know, sometimes I need a rest.

Cyrus (2011) FILM4 9pm & FILM4 10pm

This is really good to be fair.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) FILM4 10.45pm

This is funny as well.

Wow that was easy.

Decent Things to Watch This Week (15/04/13)

Monday

You should really be watching Game of Thrones tonight, but who am I to judge…

The Omen (1976) Sky Greats 8pm

 

 

Exactly what you need after a hard Monday, a horror classic! Laugh as the spawn of Satan terrorises his adopted family. Chortle as a man gets impaled through the head. Call Grandma and tell her about the delightful suicide through hanging you just saw on screen.

Oh the japes…

If you are in a particular macabre mood this eve and are considering going on a killing rampage tomorrow then this could be the film to tip you over the edge!*

*DISCLAIMER: Chris Malin cannot be held accountable for any murderous rampages anyone goes on after reading this article. It was meant purely in jest and should be treated accordingly. If indeed you are having ‘impure’ thoughts then please contact a help group, a family member, or even the authorities. Chris however will accept donations you place in your will for him.

The Royal Tennenbaums (2001) Sky Select 8pm

You may want to kill yourself after watching this Wes Anderson film, but, for very different reasons to the ones stated in the previous recommendation….

1. You love Wes Anderson. You also love quoting Nietzsche, listening to Morrisey and walking in the rain by yourself.

2. You despair at the state of society, the members of said society and the futility of all life’s goal and ambitions as they are based on an illusion of freedom and individual values implanted subliminally through involuntary indoctrination.

3. Vis-à-vis… what’s the point of carrying on this charade… die young and leave a good looking corpse no?*

For those who just want to watch a good film then you could do a lot worse than this though. As mentioned previously it is brought to you by Wes Anderson (friend of the hipsters) and it concerns an estranged family in all their Anderson-esque eccentricity. It stars Ben Stiller, Gene Hackman, Owen Wilson, Luke Wilson and Wes’ best friend (and let’s be honest if you knew him as well you’d want him to be your best friend) Bill Murray. If you like quirky, subtle, yet funny films then here you go.

*DISCLAIMER: Chris Malin cannot be held accountable for any suicides that occur after a person has read this article. It was meant purely in jest and should be treating accordingly. If indeed you are having suicidal thoughts then please contact a help group, a family member, the authorities, or simply just go outside when it’s sunny. You know, walk around – trip to the park maybe? Ice cream? I like Twisters I do. Put It’s a Wonderful life on or something, that always cheers me up. Make sure you watch it to the end though ‘cause it gets a bit rocky for a bit and may actually help increase the suicidal thoughts. Hmmm, probably best you don’t watch that actually. Disney perhaps? Stick Lion King on… No, sorry, I’m being stupid - Mufassa dying, that won’t help. Erm… ET? Oh forget it.

Remember Me (2010) FILM4 9pm

Oh dear...

Extract from my TV Guide:

“Two troubled souls find peace with one another until the forces that brought them together pull them apart again”

Accompanied with the fact that it stars Robert Pattinson means you should just get the razor blades ready now.*

*DISCLAIMER: Chris Malin cannot be held accountable for any suicides that occur after a person has read this article. It was meant purely in jest and should be treating accordingly. If indeed you are having suicidal thoughts then please contact a help group, a family member or the authorities… certainly don’t use a razor blade either… If I had to go I would want toooooooo… Jump off a building! A really high one! No pain or anything, plus imagine the rush from freefalling, a last bit of freedom before ending it all! But deffo not razor blades. Or pills*

*DISCLAIMER OF DISCLAIMER: Chris Malin does not advocate the use of razor blades, pills, jumping off buildings, or any forms of suicide. It was meant in jest and should be treating accordingly etc etc

The Bourne Supremacy (2004) ITV2 10.30pm

Why helloooo Mr Damon!!*

*DISCLAIMER: Chris Malin is straight.

Tuesday

I'm in a rush today, but honestly it's a crap night anyway.

The Artist (2011) Sky Select 8.15pm

Have you watched it? HAVE YOU?!?! You make me sick. Well tonight isn't exactly crawling with quality so what have you got to lose with this lovely silent movie about a silent film star who struggles with the transition into films with sound. Look, I know it sounds crap, and you know it sounds crap...(stay with me I'm going somewhere with this) BUT...it really isn't crap. In fact its really really.... good! (Yeah that will do) It cleaned up at the Oscars (and just about every award show going), every review pretty much gave it full marks, and most importantly of all.... I like it! So there you go... just watch it.

American Pie (1999) Sky Comedy 8pm

I did a pretty good write up for this film for 10 Things I Hate About You, but I will give you the gist of it here. Yes it's a gross out comedy, BUT it bought the gross out teen movie to a whole new generation of...erm...teens. Despite it's reliance on the obscene it is remarkably charming, thanks in no small part to the characters we can relate to played by actors you could imagine being friends with i.e. not the usual 25 year old 'teenagers' with impeccable skin, abs and other annoying stuff that usually makes it way into supposed teen films. Time to relive a classic....

The Matrix (1999) TCM 9pm

I reviewed this last week, but it's crap night so here you go... we both know it's good and yeah, here if you need it.

Blue Valentine (2010) FILM4 11.20pm

Again, recommended this last week yada yada but what we have here is an incredibly depressing (yet well made) film chronicling the start and end of a relationship between Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams.

Avengers Assemble (2012) Sky Action 8pm

Look I'm sorry ok, every night can't be good.

Dunston Checks In (1996) Sky Family 10.10pm

You've fallen out with me haven't you?

Sudden Death (1995) ITV4

Look every night can't be good.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003) 5* 9pm

It'll get better I promise.

Legally Blonde (2001) SONY TV 9pm

Free blowy?

Wednesday

Football is on, and I’ve had a couple of pints (lad), yet I have a commitment… a duty if you will, to inform people of decent movies on, so here we are. Just me and you… I’ll get started then.

Tropic Thunder (2008) BBC3 10pm

This film really disappointed me. So why am I recommending it? Well let’s start with why I’m disappointed first. It stars Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr., Matthew McConaughey (replacing Owen Wilson after he went…erm…mental), Steve Coogan (supposedly the reason why Owen Wilson went mental), and Tom Cruise. The potential therefore was HUGE (capitals necessary). The trailer was good… everything was shaping up for it to be immense. Then a little film called The Pineapple Express totally overshadowed it. Bugger. Time though has been (relatively) kind to it – as is sometimes the case with some comedies, it took me a while to warm to it a la The Other Guys and Anchorman. While it doesn’t quite hit the upper echelons that those films did, it certainly has its charms which become more evident on repeat viewing. The film concerns a Vietnam film production with some problematic film stars that doesn’t go smoothly at all. The director then decides the best way to remedy this is to film the troublesome movie by throwing the actors into the jungle, have them stay in character and have hidden cameras pick up all the method acting. Low and behold the director dies and the actors get placed right next to some rather aggressive guerrillas and all hell breaks loose.  Production values are high, and to be fair, so is the quality of performances, which leads you to expect big things – just doesn’t quite deliver though unfortunately. Still very fun, and without the weight of expectation is a very decent film. Hence the recommendation. So now you know.

Thank You for Smoking (2005) CH4 1.50am

If you like satirical comedy (hopefully you do), and you like Jason Reitman (and hopefully you do as well after Up in the Air, Juno, and Young Adult) then you should really set your recorders for this… I say with a lot of confidence, yet, I haven’t actually watched it (boo hiss), but I’ll be setting my recorder for it as well because I’ve been looking forward to this for a while. The film concerns a spin doctor for a tobacco company (Aaron Eckhart aka Harvey Dent) trying to protect his beloved employer while all the while trying to stay a role model for his 12 year old son. It’s got really good reviews and I for one am really looking forward to it. Here’s EmpireOnline:

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=117493

Right footballs on, so a couple of quick ones in case you need more…

Wanted (2008) ITV2 10pm

Decent action film that thinks it is cleverer than it is but is still a good watch.

Se7en (1995) Sky Select 10pm

Modern day horror classic.

Thursday

What a crap, crap, crap week.

Is there a negative correlation between decent weather and decent movies? It appears so.

Anyway...

Moneyball (2011) Sky Select 8pm

Just watch it

Breakdown (1997) TCM 8pm

Or this.

Cast Away (2000) Sky Greats 8pm

Ohhh I haven’t seen this in a while.

Oh actually…. Hello….

Eddie Murphy: Raw (1987) Sky Comedy 1.30am

Remember when Eddie Murphy used to be funny? No neither do I… that’s why I need regular viewings of this to remind me. Back in the day, Eddie was a God…A God I tells ya! Men wanted to be him, and women wanted to fuck him. He was cool, he was sexy, he was dangerous… the man had it all. Which might explain why he went a bit bonkers… but regardless… The year is 1987, and the 80’s have been an exciting time for comedy. People stopped giving a shit. People wanted to be edgy, mix things up a bit. The likes of Eddie, himself inspired by Richard Prior sort to mess with the establishment – laugh at things people hadn’t been laughing at before. Was he always right? Helllll no! Eddie came in for a lot of criticism, particularly from homosexuals and people who didn’t want to see homosexuals marginalised. So occasionally watching his old material can make you wince a bit, but you won’t care that much cause you’ll be laughing so hard for the rest of it. Comedy is about pushing the barriers sometimes. It doesn’t always get it right, but what it can do is put things into society’s focus that perhaps had been ignored before. Just like war used to push advancements in medical science.

Friday

Finally! A semi (tee hee) decent night! Huzah!

Airplane! (1980) FILM4 9pm

I’m not going to lie; I’m crawling over the finish line this week. I do this blog to get excited about films so I can get you excited about films and… well it’s been hard this week. Now the first film I’m recommending you tonight is by no means new to a lot of you, but I haven’t seen it on TV in a while and it has a legitimate claim to be the funniest film of all time, so here we go. The former dream team of Zucker, Abrahams and Zucker (or ZAZ if you’re in the know) show how comedy is done. Fleeting effortlessly between spoof, satire and slapstick it really is a work of genius on oh-so-many levels. What’s even more remarkable is that every one of the 100 gags that is on film was in the script – no improvising here, all of it meticulously planned (take that Apatow). For those unfamiliar with the script the film follows a man called Ted confront his fear of flying by helping to land a doomed plane. Yes there is a lot more to it than that, but you don’t need to know… just bask in the genius of Lloyd Bridges and Leslie Nielsen, both previously serious actors who take to comedy like the proverbial ducks to hoi-sin sauce.

MacGruber (2010) Film4 10.45pm

Curious one this – I pretty much ignored it on its original release cause Empire only gave it 2/5, but since then I have heard several good things about it from several very credible sources.  So I have bided my time, and now I get to see – was Empire indeed wrong about this film? As much as I respect Empire I do disagree with them from time to time – They gave Taken 1/5. They gave Spring Breakers 4/5. It’s just 9/10 they’re pretty much on the money so I’ll forgive them. The film follows Will Forte, a retired spy brought back into action when a super villain (Val Kilmer) steals an atomic bomb. I’ll be giving this a chance so I suggest you do to… that is if you haven’t already and I look like an arrogant prick for assuming you haven’t watched it because I haven’t. Perish the thought!

Shawshank Redemption (1994) ITV2 9pm

&

Forgetting Sarah Marshall (2008) ITV 10.35pm

These two films have probably never been grouped together before in the history of mankind, but here we are…. It’s Friday night and sometimes you just want to throw on a good film that you know and love and just want something to chill out to. Yes these films are both wildly different but they have the same quality in that everyone loves them and they can be like a warm blanket at the end of a tough week. Ah bless.

Have a good weekend everyone.

 

Decent Things to Watch This Week (9/4/13)

Tuesday

 

 

 

10 Things I hate about you (1999) Sky Greats 8pm

In the same year American Pie got released and took over the world, a similar, yet altogether different teen movie got released. Sure it had all the same ingredients – beautiful teens, beautiful teen angst, beautiful teens trying to get laid. Both were comedies and both were set at high school. Yet both were verrrrrrrrry different. American Pie ushered in new era of gross out comedy for the teen market. It took the baton off 80’s gross out teen comedy, Porky’s, jazzed the genre up, made the characters more identifiable and everyone loved it. It made people look at Apple Pie in an altogether different light. It made people who went to band camp more attractive. It also added a new phrase into popular lexicon, ‘milf’. The film became on iconic on the back of shock humour and a classic was born.

BUT

A whole together different movie was released in the same year. Undeniably it was less iconic, and that is one of the main reasons that it got overshadowed at the time. While most people had never heard of Porky’s (accept the naughty, weird and slightly smelly kids) most were familiar with Clueless. As American Pie channelled the essence of a film that came out over 10 years earlier, most were not prepared for what it bought. Clueless, the smart, satirical, ‘self-aware’ comedy, though, was still fresh in the mind for the majority. American Pie was fun, new and naughty – a combination of three words that will appeal to most teens. But time has been kind to this other film. And yes everyone, that other movie is 10 Things I hate about you. Whereas American Pie (largely) followed the losers of high school, this film followed kids higher up on the social chain. Based on William Shakespeare’s ‘Taming of the Shrew’, the kids are smart, the dialogue is snappy and the observations of teen interaction are spot on. It isn’t as laugh out loud funny as American Pie, but it's sharper, still offers the same sweetness, and adds an extra dash of cool to boot. This film is one of my comfort movies – the film I’ll put on when the rigors of reality get all a bit too much. It’s a reminder that everything’s gonna be alright.  Yet, there is clearly another reason why I love this film dearly (and those who know me well will be able to guess), yes ladies and gentlemen, in one word…

Heath.

Oh Heath, you were taken away from us way too early… Anyway, this film announced Heath Ledger’s move to the big time and showcased what was to come. The kid from Austrailia was cool, could be intimidating and he could be sweet. The guy was that good he could be anything he wanted to be – the heart throb, the gay cowboy, or the homicidal maniac clown. And in this film he was majestic. And yes, I’m not ashamed to admit, his rendition of ‘You’re Just too Good to be True’ brings a tear to my eye… It's like he's just singing to me...

Sigh.

I'm not gay.

Anyway...

So enjoy one of my favourites. It might not be the most iconic, but it’s certainly one of the more heart felt teen comedies around which still manages to be pretty cool at the same time.

Oh and you get to see Joseph-Gordon Levitt before he got really famous.

Moneyball (2011) Sky Select 10pm

Brad Pitt stars in this smart and engrossing film about a man who changed the face of baseball forever – through math! Yes, it does sound like a story your teacher would tell you to make math seem more relevant while you think ‘Bollocks it does’, but it’s actually a great watch – and this isn’t me on my film geek pedestal, most of you will like it.

Big (1988) Sky Family 9.45pm

Talking of comfort films you can’t get more comforting than this – Tom Hanks portrays the kid who wanted to grow up too fast and shows how god damn cool that would be! Made so in touch with what makes childhood fun that even now I am approaching 30 I still think ‘wow that would be such a cool job’.

Just me? Awkward.

Wednesday

Carlito’s Way (1993) ITV4 10pm

I started writing a recommendation for this film and then realised one simple thing: I don’t really remember that much about it. I know it’s good, but that’s about it. I’m not gonna try and bullshit my way through this, I’ll hold my hands up… but yeah, drawing a blank here. Oh well… Looking at the reviews, they all give it top marks. Empire give it 5*s, one guy on IMDB calls it ‘Scarface with feeling’, so everything’s certainly looking positive. Al Pacino gets released from prison and decides to go it straight, but low and behold it’s not as easy as he thought it would be as the old life comes-a-knockin’. Al Pacio is meant to be wonderful, as is his co-star Sean Penn. But, yeah, don’t know what else to say really. If I’m honest I’m kind of embarrassed. Huh. Anyway, here’s EmpireOnline to confirm what I can take a mildly strong guess at…

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=6196

I need a lie down clearly.

Erm… there’s not much else on!! Well certainly not much that I haven’t reviewed recently…

Huh.

Guess you could go for…

300 (2006) TCM 9pm

If you like male homo eroticism.

Shrooms (2007) 5* 9pm

If you like dumb horror films…

WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Stop the Press!!! There’s a classic on! Tucked away! I can’t believe I nearly missed it!!!! Let’s waste no more time and let you know what it is!!!

A History of Violence (2005) MORE4 10pm

What a film! I haven’t seen this in a while either, but I more than remember this little gem (sorry Pacino). David Cronenberg returns from the dead to direct Viggo Mortensen (Aragorn to a lot of people) in this film about a simple man who sticks up to two hoodlums and becomes a local hero… but is he as simple as he seems? This film is full of great performances, including the lead, but it’s the tension that really sets this film apart. Even the cast seem to feel this ever engulfing tension which is brilliantly realised in an impromptu sex scene that resulted in Viggo Mortensen sustaining injuries in real life that far outweighed those he picked up in the fight scenes.. and violence there is-a-plenty. Sexy. Anyway, tonight has been rescued, huzzah! Wow, was really fearing the worst at one point... Right go and enjoy it!

Thursday

Woaaaaaah momma this week is a struggle…

Phone Booth (2002) TCM 9pm

Very tidy and clever little film starring Colin Farrell about a man who wished he never picked up a phone… Quite literally a little film as well cause it was filmed over 12 days. Good concept, Colin plays a sleazy, fast talking, morally ambiguous agent whose dirty deeds catch up with him when a lone psychopath decides to hold him accountable for his crimes… by having Colin enter a phone booth to answer a ringing phone then training a highly powered rifle on him until he admits and repents his sins. Mr Farrell does sleazy very well (shock) and the concept never gets dull and/or  boring, even though the majority of the movie takes place with Colin in the aforementioned phone booth. Very decent watch.

American History X (1998) ITV4 10.30pm

Very good film that is prone to have the odd shocking moment or two. One of the shocks is due to a scene that will have you clenching, rubbing your jaw and making your teeth feel all fuzzy as Ed Norton decides to dish out justice in a particularly radical style with the help of a street curb (the literal version of radical, not Teenage Mutant Hero Turtle’s radical – he doesn’t make them eat pizza or anything).The second, and perhaps main reason the shocks occur is due to the fact the film follows the trial and tribulations of those wacky little ragamuffins known as the Neo-Nazis - the little buggers with all their racism and hatred. You get the distinct feeling that the behaviour showcased here does still go on in the good ol’ USA, so you feel quite uncomfortable watching the film throughout. That said, it’s a well-made film with a powerhouse performance from Ed Norton that occasionally gets stuck up its own arse, but is very powerful nonetheless.

Now, I’m not sure what else to watch recommend here.

You have House of Flying Daggers (2004) Sky Select 10pm which is an extremely beautiful action film from Hong Kong, but I recommended it a couple of weeks back.

Or we have Super 8 (2011) Sky Action 8pm from Steven Spielberg and JJ Abrams which is an old school adventure following some kids who have a close encounter with the third kind.

But I’ll be watching this…A Young Doctor’s Notebook on 10pm at Pick TV. Not a film, but still with film like qualities - it follows a young doctor played by Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) who is haunted by his future self, played by Jon Hamm (Mad Men’s Dom Draper). It garnered rave reviews on its original release and is described as having an ‘extraordinary blend of comedy and medical horrors’. Interesting! Make sure you catch it too!

Friday

Evil Dead 2 (1987) 11.20pm

Is it sequel? Is it a remake? Is it a comedy? Is it a horror? It’s a bit of all of those... but who cares because this is a cuh-lassic (classic), which is even more relevant with the reboot of the Evil Dead franchise around the corner (which, by the way, is getting tremendous reviews). The first film followed a group of friends staying in a log cabin that got attacked by an evil ‘presence’ (of some sort) which turned them one by one into demons – except for the lone survivor Ash. For some reason Ash returns to the log cabin (we’ll put it down to morbid fascination) with his girlfriend (?!) and decided to play an incantation chant on a tape recorder which then releases the aforementioned evil ‘presence’ into his poor unsuspecting missus... Ash deserves everything he gets in my book for such reckless behaviour, but, ropey set ups aside, this film really does unleash you on one hell of a journey. The horror/action comes thick and fast, and is always wrapped up in a black humour of the blackest and goriest kind – this has the interesting effect of providing tremendous scares but is able to defuse the tension with some gory laughs - so what you get is very much a rollercoaster effect and you have no idea what the film is going to do next. Even by today’s standards there is not much that can touch it’s originality so do yourself and make sure you catch it, yeah? Groovy, baby.

That’s relevant to the film(s), it’s not just a random Austin Power’s quote for the sake of it…

Don’t you just hate it when people do that? Bring up catchphrases from like 3 years ago? Parents love doing it…

I mean they do it even when it’s not relevant. Ask an innocent question to the response ‘computer says no’, when there’s not even a computer in sight, let alone one that could be used, or one that could be used to successfully answer the question ‘what are we having for dinner tonight’…

Anyway…

The Thing (1982) ITV4 12am

It was quite ambiguous what the last film on this list of recommendations was, but this is slightly clearer cut. Slightly. John Carpenter’s remake of the 1951 film ‘The Thing from Another World’ which itself is an adaptation of the book “Who Goes There” by John W. Campbell published in 1938. It is part sci-fi and it is part horror. What shouldn’t be under any amount of confusion though is that whichever genre it belongs to, it is seen as one of the greats. In fact, sci-fi and horror should fight it out to see who claims this badboy, because it excels in just about every single gore ridden department. From the very start, we as an audience are under no illusions that we are witnessing something very special. The first thing the film asks us to witness is nothing visual, but instead the foreboding theme tune which starts of as a collection of electric synthesisers and descends into a rhythm which is reminiscent of a slowly beating heart. In music that’s reminiscent of the classic Jaws theme tune for simplicity and impending sense of audio dread, we know something is about to go down - it ain’t gonna be pretty and it sure as hell ain’t gonna be happy. We then see an alien ship crash land into earth with no hysterics and ingenious title reveal. The beginning is the most subtle part of the whole film (an alien ship crash landing is the most subtle bit?!), and this sets us up perfectly for what we about to see... that eerie calm you get before the storm – you know something bad is going to happen despite the relative tranquillity around you. We then witness a dog running across the Antarctic with a helicopter chasing after it with the prime directive of killing this adorable looking dog. The pup finally manages to escape by finding refuge at an American research outpost and we as an audience rejoice. However, 30 minutes or so later we wish that helicopter had blown that husky to bits as we realise it is not from this planet, and it certainly is not friendly... The members of the outpost, led by the King of ‘I don’t give a fuck, Kurt Russell’s MacReady, take in the dog and before we know it, amongst a lot of tentacles, slime, and viscera, we are left wondering if everything is as it seems – is everyone still who they say they are? I’m being purposefully vague because (like most films) the less you know the better, but I will say that - like the last film on this list - you will of never seen anything like it before, and probably never will again.

Mean Streets (1973) BBC2 12.10 am

Messrs Keitel, De Niro and Scorsese are all at the top of their game here, and quite appropriately as well as this is the film that would fire them all into collective focus of audiences everywhere. This is the film that would lead Scorsese & De Niro to Taxi Driver, Raging Bull, King of Comedy, Goodfellas… So you could say it’s a pretty important film. Harvey Keitel plays Charlie, a small time hood struggling to stay afloat upon a sea of intimidation and corruption. Possibly too nice to make it big in this world, he isn’t helped by the fact he is having to clean up messes cause  accompanied by his friend - the border line psychopath Johnny-Boy, played with vigour by a very young Bobby De Niro. The film is raw and gritty and this isn’t just what we see as an audience either – the whole film was shot on a hand held camera by a young Scorsese learning his trade – and it shows and adds to a very in your face experience. While it is a great film one of the most fascinating aspects of watching it is seeing all the pieces coming together – as I’m guessing most are not familiar with this film, it’s almost like watching a prequel to the fascinating careers of 3 iconic contributors to the world of movies. This is (arguably) where it all began, and definitely showcased what was to come… fascinating.

 

Decent Films to Watch This Week (2/4/13)

Good Lord I am tired! Geez Louise! Well that’s what a weekend in Brighton will do to you. Yes, yes, “shock horror, Malin went to Brighton”, but it’s actually a good night where a lot of (straight) women frequent, so leave your gay jokes to one side please (although as I didn’t pull in Brighton I can only presume I just happened to go to several lesbian bars in a row – of all the luck). Despite my attempts to reassure you of my heterosexuality, I did end up with my friends at gay after club (look the music was really good) and at one point I was comforting a rather burly transsexual by the name of Geraldine - he really was upset and I felt compelled to say something while I was waiting for my friend Joanne to get me a drink. I finally decided that the best thing was to say was, “don’t worry, there’s a sea of men just waiting for you out there Geraldine!” then gestured emphatically to draw focus to the dance floor which was heavily populated by lots of gyrating men. Thinking the realisation of a potential rebound bought on by my words of comfort would turn those tears of sadness to tears of joy was misguided and ill-judged for several reasons:

a)      The sea of gyrating scantily clad men was not exactly subtle. Even if Geraldine was highly intoxicated it would be quite hard to miss a whole dance floor of semi naked men, so this as a result made me look mildly stupid, slightly naive and almost certainly incredibly vulnerable.

b)      The emphatic gesture which was intended to draw focus to the dance floor in a rather dramatic was amazingly camp – even for my lofty standards. This again made me look mildly stupid, slightly naive and almost certainly incredibly vulnerable

c)       The dance floor that I emphatically gestured towards was the dance floor that I was currently on. This confirmed beyond all doubt that I was mildly stupid, slightly naïve and was indeed incredibly vulnerable.

d)      Geraldine was about twice the size of me and was now rubbing my jacket.

I really don’t help myself. Luckily at this point I could spot Jo in my peripheral vision bee lining towards me with our drinks so I let out something about my girlfriend and (not for the first time tonight) emphatically gestured in her direction. Geraldine looked in Jo’s direction and then back at mine. She/he didn’t look happy. Perhaps sensing the fear that engulfed me typified by the fact I was not making eye contact with Geraldine like she was some rather territorial Gorilla dressed in drag, she snarled some obscenity and went on to ensnare some other (more willing) olive branch.

Why on Earth am I telling you all this? It was a pretty wild weekend; I’m pretty tired, so not many recommendations tonight. Hell if it wasn’t for this film I probably wouldn’t have done one….

Paris, Texas (1984) FILM4 12.30am

I was glancing through the TV guide this fine evening and spotted this. Despite Geraldine’s stare still burnt into my retinas I was able to recall some other memory which indicated that this could be a good film. Low and behold I was right, checking the TV guide’s more in depth section gave the film full marks and this was backed up by Empire’s 5* review. So, it’s meant to be pretty good then. The plot sounds intriguing enough – a man, who has been missing for several years, resurfaces suffering from Amnesia and starts to piece his life back together – and why he walked out on it in the first place. Here’s EmpireOnline’s review…

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=8396

Set your recorders for it because it looks mega decent. Plus it has Harry Dean Stanton in it, so you know it’s gonna be good. If you know who Harry Dean Stanton is, that is.

Wednesday

Quite a few on tonight so let’s get cracking…

American Gangster (2007) ITV4 10pm

Everyone loves Denzel. Even Russell Crowe it seems who looks resigned to the fact he is playing second fiddle to the living legend. And we, as rational, logical people cherish any time we get to see Mr Washington on screen (even, ahem… Safe House… to an extent). Ridley Scott directs this fun gangster romp about a Harlem gang leader taking on the pesky Mafia.

The Matrix (1999) 5* 9pm

One of the most important sci-fi films of all times for our Wednesday night entertainment. Oh, 1999, it seemed like it was going to be such a simple and predictable year… The millennium was closing in and a sci-fi film was going to herald the dawn of a new era. Only, it just wasn’t the film that everyone expected. The Phantom Menace was released, to erm, mixed reviews, and The Matrix re-wrote the rule book. Re-wrote the rule book when it came to action, sci-fi, viral marketing, philosophy in film, Keanu Reeves… This films influence cannot be underestimated. You know the score… Keanu is awoken from his ‘reality’ to discover life is not quite what it seems. Throw in some robots, bullet time, martial arts and a sage by the name of Morpheus and, sir, you got yourself one hell of a film.

Insomnia (2002) BBC1 11.05pm

Nolan’s black sheep of the family. Although that’s a little bit like saying ‘The Saturday’s ugliest member’ (Rochelle)… she’s still good quality and you definitely would so stop moaning. It might not be Christopher’s best film, but it’s certainly a very good watch. Al Pacino is the disgraced cop who goes a bit off track when he is tracking Robin William’s serial killer. Psychological thriller which should keep your attention.

Office Space (1999) TCM 10.55pm

This doesn’t have quite as much acclaim as it should in the popular masses, so here is your chance to rectify that. Mike Judge (he of ‘King of the Hill’ and ‘Beavis and Butt-Head’) turns his hand to live action in this tale of a man (Ron Livingstone) trying his hardest to get fired from his soul destroying job. Very funny, make sure you give it ago.

Lockout (2012) Sky Premiere 10.20pm

I haven’t seen this yet but from what I can ascertain it’s one of those films where you turn your brain off and just sit back and enjoy all the explosions and booms and stuff. Guy Pearce is the only guy who can save the day when the president’s daughter is taken hostage on an intergalactic prison. It ain’t gonna be Citizen Kane, no, but it will probably give you ample entertainment. Here's EmpireOnline's review.... although it ain't that good...

http://www.empireonline.com/search/default.asp?search=lockout

Thursday

Crap night really for showing you something different, BUT still some great films on… y’am just probably familiar with them is all…

Scarface (1983) ITV4 10.30pm

Pacino… M16… Copious amounts of drugs. Personally, I think it is a good film, not great. I think it’s more iconic than anything else and the love that people garner it with is usually related to the lifestyle that Mr Scarface exhibits. The power, the women, the money… understandably gangsters are quite fond of it, and so are 90’s rap stars who want to be gangsters, so a lot of people just followed suit I guess.

Black Hawk Down (2001) Sky Greats 8pm

Again, another film that’s good, but not great. The action is brilliant and few war films match it for style… But when it comes to substance it’s a little thin on the ground. This is also reflected in the cast… very showy, but no one really stands out as exceptional. Christ I seem in a really bad mood tonight but I’m actually in quite a chipper mood!

Collateral (2004) Sky Select 10pm

This is great… but not brilliant. Oh, I’m a right little bugger tonight aren’t I? Christ I feel lonely… anyway, Tom Cruise and Jamie Foxx star in this sexy thriller directed by Michael Mann (he of Heat and Last of the Mohicans). It looks bloody gorgeous and when the action starts it’s frantic and fast paced – everything you’d expect from the director of possibly the greatest shoot out of all time (see Heat’s bank robbery). Perhaps asks too little emotional investment from the audience which stops it from becoming one of the all-time greats, but nevertheless it will entertain and dazzle in equal measure.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel (2011) Sky Drama/Romance

I’m including this not to be biased – my parent’s love it and it got quite good reviews. Hell I think all old people love, it just seems to be one of those films that is celluloid version of a hot water bottle – comforting, about as much excitement as you can get post 50, and makes funny noises when you want it too. Here’s EmpireOnline’s review…

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=119048

The Life Aquatic With Steve Zizzou (2004) BBC1 11.30pm

I’ve just put this here so the hipsters (if any are reading) don’t get their titties in the twist. And to them I say – you know it’s not Wes Anderson’s best film, just accept it’s not that great and go and stick on Rushmore again… or wait for tomorrow where you can watch Moonrise Kingdom.

Friday

The Disappearance of Alice Creed (2009) BBC1 11.55pm

This is definitely worth a watch. It’s very tidy little nail biter that will keep you attention – even if it is a Friday night and most people are out enjoying themselves. Lame. Anyway, you could do a lot worse than the line up tonight so shut up moaning you big loser. The film follows a kidnapping of a wealthy bloke’s daughter by two criminals hoping to hit the big time. While they negotiate a ransom they keep the daughter hostage and that’s when it all starts to go wrong, perhaps things are not as simple as they seem... Cast includes the impressive Willie Marsden and the impressively beautiful Gemma Arteton.

Heat (1995) FILM4 9pm

If you saw the phrase ‘powerhouse film’ and wanted a film to define said phrase then this could be the very film for you. Powerhouse cast, powerhouse director, powerhouse dialogue, and finally (but arguably most memorably) powerhouse action. Now, I say ‘arguably’ because this film witness the first time that Al Pacino and Robert De Niro share screen time together after being the finest actors of their generation, but, the action is just that good. This film has the greatest shoot out of all time. Bar none. When cops get wind of a bank heist taking place, they get themselves ready to take on the bank robbers head on with superior numbers. Only they didn’t count on every member of the gang having M16 rifles at the ready – and boy do they know how to use them - quite literally it seems as Val Kilmer is credited by the US Army as doing a perfect reload in the film. So much so they have shown the video to training recruits. The film is cool, intense and smart – it really is a class act to follow. And follow they did, Christopher Nolan used this film as his template when making The Dark Knight, which can most notably be seen in the film’s opening. So much so they actually incorporate Heat actor William Fichtner.

Moonrise Kingdom (2012) Sky Premier 10.10pm

Here we are, one for the hipsters again with Wes Anderson's latest. OK I'm being a bit unfair here cause most of the reports proclaim this to be very very good... So no need to keep ringing your Rushmore bell anymore and get all defensive over Tenenbaums or Zizzou. Classy cast including Bruce Willis and Ed Norton, this is the tale of a 12 year old boy running away to meet his pen pal. As it's Anderson, expect it to be subtle, funny and quirky. Despite my faux resentment I'll deffo be watching this. Here's EmpireOnline

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=119105