You may notice there is a particular film I have focused on this week. It's a subtle thing, nothing to worry about. It's just... Never mind. It's nothing really. But lot's of great films to choose from nonetheless, even though there is one that perhaps you should check out... Up to you though. It's there if you need it. Take it. Or leave it.
Which ever...
Ok, I may of wrote a poem...
Actually, to be more precise, a limerick.
Ahem...
Ahem...
There was a man call Ryan,
Who made a man called Chris start cryin'
Chris swears he's not gay,
Despite what people say,
Even though Gosling on screen wearing a suit makes Chris weak at the kneews because he look's so frickin' cool, it's like ridiculous....look at him! I wish I could wear suits all the time, life would be so much cooler! And how mint is his pad? Ridiculous. Oh and I am definitely joining a gym this week to get abs like that... and practicing Dirty Dancing moves cause I bet that would actually work. Should really finish this poem (limerick) off, erm... Lion.
Monday
Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 8pm
Yes, I might have recommended this last week, but it’s a
really nice film. Like really really nice. And it appeals to both sexes: men
want to be Ryan Gosling and women want to be with Ryan Gosling. It’s sweet,
it’s funny, it’s a little sexy; and it’s about a family man who loses his wife
then goes on a downward spiral of depression only to be rescued by Jacob – the
aforementioned Ryan Gosling. Did I mention Ryan? He is the film basically, he
is the reason why you will love it, but he is supported by a very capable cast
who all perform well, in particular Steve Carell as the lovable loser. I
haven’t met anyone who doesn’t like this film yet after watching it, so just go
ahead and do it. Oh how I love it…
Bring It On (2000) 5* 9pm
Right, will have to choose some more manly films after this
because this together with the man crush I have on Ryan Gosling and accompanied
by about a million other pieces of evidence and I may as well just invite the
Village People over now for a bikini wax marathon. But for now let’s enjoy the
silliness that is Kirsten Dunst’s Bring it On – a delightful film about a
girl’s struggles as head cheer leader – something I’m sure we can all identify
with. It’s about as camp as Elton John in a tent, but has some great one liners,
some great dance routines and is a lovely show of just what generation “look at
me” is really all about – something I’m sure we can all identify with.
Altogether now, “I’m wanted, I’m hot, I’m everything you’re not!”
Apocalypse Now (1979) ITV4 11pm
I wanted manly and I got it – possibly the manliest film
ever created which doesn’t border on homoeroticism – or does it? Decide on the
subtext afterwards, but for now enjoy one of the greatest films of all time;
Francis Ford Copploa’s journey into darkness… This film has one of the most
troubled productions of all time - Marlon Brando was close to eating himself
throughout and Martin Sheen had a heart attack because of the stressful shoot,
despite being only 37. Yet from that mess comes a masterpiece: albeit (whisper
it) slightly flawed. Set during the Vietnam War, Martin Sheen plays Captain
Willard, a man sent on a mission to assassinate a renegade Colonel played by
the enigmatic Brando. Willard travels down the dangerous Vietnam river and is
slowly engulfed by the same darkness that got his intended target – will
Willard be able to survive mentally and physically to complete his mission?
Fully encapsulating the horror and the madness of the war, the film will grab
you by the face and will never let go. Sit back and witness cinema history. And
yes it’s my film of the week.
The Illusionist (2006) FILM4 9pm
Yes a fourth film. If you don’t want rom-com, camp, or
Vietnamese mind fuck, here’s a decent Hollywood film you can just sit back and
enjoy. No it’s not the best, but it’s Monday, and sometimes you just want to
sit down with a film that will hold your attention and leave you feeling
satisfied at the end. Edward Norton is a magician who is messing with powers he
cannot control (political powers that is) when he falls for a woman who is off
limits: the Prince’s wife.
Tuesday
A Time to Kill (1996) FILM4 9pm
Never seen this, but in the main places I looked it’s be
recommended, so there you go! Matthew Mconaughey is a young lawyer defending
Samuel L. Jackson (don’t just judge him on Batman & Robin, he’s done a lot
of good films). Here’ the review for you from Empire Online:
Rushmore (1999) Sky Modern Greats 10pm
I recommended this the other week, but from talking to my
friends, not a lot of you watched it. Geez. Well here it is again, make sure
you at least record it. It’s a Wes Anderson comedy about a teenager (Jason
Schwartzman) who develops a crush on his teacher. It’s funny, it’s quirky… just
watch it. Go on.
The Terminator (1984) SYFY 11pm
Not as many people have watched this as Terminator 2 so here
you go. One of the most important sci-fi films of all time, this is a lot
grittier then it’s more accomplished younger brother. Directed by James
Cameron, the film is about a cyborg (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who is sent back in
time to assassinate the leader of the human resistance following a future war
between man and machine. Only a member of the resistance, Kyle Reese (Michael
Biehn), who is sent back in time after the cyborg has a chance of saving
humanity… I don’t think I need to say any more than that really, but if you
need me to, then just ask.
Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 8 pm
It has Ryan Gosling looking smooth as fuck in suits.
Wednesday
Dirty Harry (1971) TCM 9pm
Here is another classic which has not been picked up by a
generation as much as it should, even though I’m sure most people are very
familiar with it. Alright, I’ll climb down of my pedestal now, but seriously
this film is an absolute classic! Clint Eastwood and his .44 Magnum dish out
the justice – pain style! Maybe this is the most manly film of all time? With
quotable line after quotable line, Clint’s Harry is a formidable mix of manly
manliness and uber cool. Watch this especially if you enjoyed Bring It On a
little too much and want re-align a couple of things.
Harold and Maude (1971) Sky Classics 8pm
Oh how lucky I am to have this on Sky Classics, because I
have been meaning to watch this for a while now. This film follows a death
obsessed young man who falls for a 79 year old woman. Yep, you read that right.
It’s meant to be an oddball comedy (you don’t say), but I’ve been reliably
informed that the impact this film had is still being felt today. Here’s
Empire’s review:
Kingpin (1996) FILM4 11.05pm
Those bloody Farelly brothers, hey? What are they like? Well
if you genuinely wanted an answer to that rhetorical question then the answer
would be “they are hilariously funny, well used to be anyway, and are famed for
their gross out humour mixed with incredible wit.” This film follows an Amish
Man (Randy Quaid) who is very skilful at bowling, so much so that former pro
Woody Harrelson takes him under his wing. A film that will probably offend just
about everyone and also has Bill Murray in it, so many bonus points for that.
Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 8 pm
It has Ryan Gosling’s abs in it.
Thursday
The Inbetweeners Movie (2011) Channel 4 9pm
No.
Police Academy (1984) TCM 9pm
The Gutt! Yeah! Steve Guttenberg is a member of Police
Academy witha bunch of young trainee cops who just love to cause trouble! It’s
rude, it’s crude and has a very young Kim Cattral (woof!). If the sequels have
ruined your opinion of the series, then watch this to rectify things. Oh, and just for the record, Steve Guttenberg
apparently has a huge cock. Now you know.
The Lost Boys (1987) TCM 10.50pm
A classic teen movie about two brothers who move house - which
just happens to be in a town full of vampires. No wonder the house was so cheap,
d’uh! Ah well… Great 80’s romp, which was about as cool as you could get back
in the day, and it still holds up pretty well by today’s standards as well.
Kiefer Sutherland acts all brooding and also has the two Corey’s in it (Haim
and Feldman) before they were about to piss their careers away through drugs
and more drugs. Great cinema.
Meek’s Cutoff (2010) Film4 11am
Not a lot on today (well certainly nothing worth
recommending you probably haven’t seen), so after researching several films
this seems to come out on top. It’s a film following three families on the
pioneer trail who have to deal with the brutalities that come with being on the
frontier. If that doesn’t particular grab you then maybe this review from
Empire Online will:
Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 9.45pm
It has Emma Stone in it, who I would like to be my wife one
day (believe it or not).
Friday
Caddyshack (1980) Sky Modern Greats 8pm
One of my favourite comfort films to stick on when things
are tough; this is a classic comedy following the trials and tribulations at a
golf club. Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield and Chevy Chase star – which is
surprising given a) Chevy Chase and Bill Murray hated each other at this point
of time and b) they were never intended to be the stars of the film, they were
just given a lot more screen time because of the phenomenal improv work they
were doing – much to the disgruntlement of the film’s original stars whose
parts were pushed more into the back ground as a result. Ah well, we shouldn’t
complain, the film is much better because of it.
Attack the Block (2011) FILM4 9pm
I think any British film that comes out these days has a
head start in reviewers’ minds. You can understand why (kind of). We British
are a patriotic bunch and the chance to push a home grown film over a nasty
American impostor must be seen as admirable, right? Of course I am being
sarcastic, but I sympathise somewhat with biased people. This film is no
exception in my eyes, sure it’s good, but all the noise that was being made
about it before hand would make you think you were going to see something that
it isn’t. Hopefully, my little write up should dampen your expectations,
because you will enjoy the film a lot more if it has. The film follows a group
of ASBO kids who take on an alien invasion. Nowhere near as dumb as it sounds,
the action is good and raw in places, yet the film has a slightly predictable
feel to it.
Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) FILM4 10.55pm
You know what I was saying earlier about hyped up British
films that aren’t quite as great as people would have you believe? Well this is
an exception. Made for under a million pounds, Paddy Considine is a man with an
agenda, a killing agenda. He returns home in order to exact revenge on people
who abused his mentally challenged brother, and all kinds of pain follow. Make
sure you check this out.
Crazy Stupid Love (2011)
Just go and buy it, you’ll want to watch it again soon.
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