Decent films to watch this week (12/11/12)

The nights are drawing in, it’s cold outside, and everyone is getting ill. Christmas is close, but it’s not close enough to get excited, yet it is close enough to start thinking about all the money you’re about to spend i.e. it’s a pretty shit time of the year.

You’re probably expecting me to say how I’ve got loads of films to make you feel better.

Nope, they are shit too.

Let’s all get drunk.

Here are the recommendations for the week.

 

Monday

Training Day (2001) ITV1 11.05pm

What’s this? Training Day? On a Monday night?! Oh man, this is awesome. Screw my depressed opening, frickin’ Training Day is on. Two problems:

a)      You’ve probably seen it before. You probably even have it on DVD.

b)      It really goes against why I do this blog, I’m meant to be drawing your attention to new films.

Well to answer your valid enquiries Mr or Mrs Smarty-pants, a) Everyone knows films are better on TV and b) there’s not much on today. Plus it’s a Monday, and Mondays are crap; this is the perfect film to get into bed in with and forget about the day – just be prepared to stay up 1.15am cause you know you won’t be able to stop watching once you start.

Escape from New York (1981) ITV4 11.05pm

Want to see one of the coolest bad asses in movie cinema history? Of course you do – enter Kurt Russell. Kurt is Snake Plisken and, as mentioned, he is the coolest bad ass going. So much so that when the President crashes into a maximum security facility there is only one bloke to send in to go and get him… Yep, the coolest bad etc. Great action film from John Carpenter, do yourself a favour and watch it.

Liar, Liar (1997) Universal 9pm

“Here she comes to wreck the dayyyyyyyy!” A Jim Carey vehicle that is remembered fondly by most of us, I’m putting it on here as it is tucked away on Universal and it’s always good for a giggle.

Submarine (2010) FILM4 9pm

I recommended this the other day but, as previously mentioned, it is a quiet day for movies. Regardless of that, I’d still recommend it again because I think not enough people have watched this and it’s one of the best English comedies I have seen in a while. It’s populated with wonderfully entertaining characters and has a raw, quirky vibe going throughout. The film follows Oliver, a very peculiar young man who is obsessed with losing his virginity and rescuing the marriage of his parents. Watch and savour.

Tuesday

Tyrannosaur (2011) FILM4 11.05pm

If you like your films English, gritty and so depressing you need to make sure the room you’re watching the film in has no sharp objects in it, then here you go. Paddy Considine’s directorial  debut, it follows  a down and outer played with amazing gusto by Peter Mullan as he inadvertently stumbles upon a means of redemption. It’s extremely well made with very fleshed out characters – which makes it all the more hard to watch. Despite not being the happiest of films about, it’s quality is undeniable.

Swingers (1996) Sky Comedy 11.30pm

One of my favourite films which occupies a very special place in my heart and I find it criminal more people have not watched it. Starring a very young Jon Favereau and Vince Vaughan, this film follows a bunch lads try and make it big in Los Angeles, while giving a good insight into just what does make blokes tick. Very clever and heart-warming, if I am ever down about my lot in life this is the film that I can put on which I know will cheer me up. Which isn’t very often. Cause I’m class.

Who am I kidding I watch it weekly goddamn it.

Wednesday

Erin Brockovich (2000) CH 5 9pm

What a shocker, I haven’t seen this. It’s such a chick flick! Albeit an intelligent one… apparently (intelligent chick flick... oxymoron?). I know I don’t have an excuse, and trust me I’ll be watching it (with “I’m Every Woman” playing in the background), but in the meantime here is Empire Online’s review.

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=5706

Argo (2012) Cinema

This week continues its slim pickin’s, but not to worry it gives you an opportunity to get down the cinema and see the film that has apparently completed a hat-trick of awesome films for one Ben Affleck – who’d of thought this 10 years ago? Not me, that’s for sure. I will be using the wonderful Orange Wednesdays to make sure I catch this and I recommend you do too. If my recommendation is not enough then please take into consideration that it got an “A+” from Cinemascore, which, believe me, does not happen often.

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=137302

Thursday

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (2005) ITV2 11.30pm

Woah woah woah, hold the bloody horses - this is a great little film here which bucks the trend for the poor showing we’ve witnessed this week. This film is by Shane Black and he is the fine gentlemen who brought us Lethal Weapon and will soon be bringing the latest Iron Man to the silver screen. The main reason he is seen as so awesome is his quick fire dialogue which is as sharp as it is funny.  The story is a bit all over the place – Robert Downey Jr. plays a thief, who then becomes an actor, who then becomes a detective. Throw in Val Kilmer as a gay private eye and you got yourself a movie! Sit back and enjoy a film that’s enjoying itself as much as you are – in a pretentious kind of way, because it knows how smart it is: which means you can watch it with a smug smile too cause in doing so it automatically makes you better than other people.

The Day The Earth Stood Still (1951) More4 11.10am

Well, what another pleasant surprise for everyone, one of the most important science fiction films of all time. This film rescued a genre that was in trouble of descending into permanent b-movie madness. This film arguably lit the blue touch paper for sci-fi to become one of the most expressive forms of medium in cinema which would be fully utilised by the great directors of countless generations to convey both their dreams and fears. The film tells the story of a pair of aliens who land on earth after the Second World War in order to save humanity, will their message be heard? And what lengths will they have to go to for us to understand?

Friday

The Fifth Element (1997) 5* 9pm

I really do love this film, it’s a great sci-fi flick that has Bruce Willis, Gary Oldman and Chris Tucker in great form (although my last pick is a little controversial).  This film is all kinds of fun because it keeps the action coming thick and fast, all the while combining it with an amazing visual style which is inspired by Blade Runner just as much as it is inspired by the catwalk (Jean-Paul Gautier helped design the costumes). Bruce is sardonic, Gary is crazy and Milla Jovovic is looking fine as… so just whack it on and whack one off.

The Master (2012) Cinema

And so the weekend’s arrival reflects pretty much what’s gone on the rest of the week – not a lot. But never fear there are options. You’ve got Silence of the Lambs on TCM at 1am, Pulp Fiction on Sky Modern Greats at 10pm orrrrrrrrrr you can do something out of left field and see this new release from Paul Thomas Anderson (Boogie Nights, There Will Be Blood etc.). It’s about an ex-soldier (Joaquin Phoenix) who falls into a life of drifting after the Second World War only to be rescued by enigmatic cult leader, Lancaster Dodd (Phillip Seymour Hoffman). All this should make you want to watch it very much, but if you still need convincing how about a 5 star from Empire Online. Oh no he didn’t.

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=137629

 

Decent film to watch this week (5/11/12)

You may notice there is a particular film I have focused on this week. It's a subtle thing, nothing to worry about. It's just... Never mind. It's nothing really. But lot's of great films to choose from nonetheless, even though there is one that perhaps you should check out... Up to you though. It's there if you need it. Take it. Or leave it.

Which ever...

Ok, I may of wrote a poem...

Actually, to be more precise, a limerick.

Ahem...

There was a man call Ryan,

Who made a man called Chris start cryin'

Chris swears he's not gay,

Despite what people say,

Even though Gosling on screen wearing a suit makes Chris weak at the kneews because he look's so frickin' cool, it's like ridiculous....look at him! I wish I could wear suits all the time, life would be so much cooler! And how mint is his pad? Ridiculous. Oh and I am definitely joining a gym this week to get abs like that... and practicing Dirty Dancing moves cause I bet that would actually work. Should really finish this poem (limerick) off, erm... Lion.

Monday

Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 8pm

Yes, I might have recommended this last week, but it’s a really nice film. Like really really nice. And it appeals to both sexes: men want to be Ryan Gosling and women want to be with Ryan Gosling. It’s sweet, it’s funny, it’s a little sexy; and it’s about a family man who loses his wife then goes on a downward spiral of depression only to be rescued by Jacob – the aforementioned Ryan Gosling. Did I mention Ryan? He is the film basically, he is the reason why you will love it, but he is supported by a very capable cast who all perform well, in particular Steve Carell as the lovable loser. I haven’t met anyone who doesn’t like this film yet after watching it, so just go ahead and do it. Oh how I love it…

Bring It On (2000) 5* 9pm

Right, will have to choose some more manly films after this because this together with the man crush I have on Ryan Gosling and accompanied by about a million other pieces of evidence and I may as well just invite the Village People over now for a bikini wax marathon. But for now let’s enjoy the silliness that is Kirsten Dunst’s Bring it On – a delightful film about a girl’s struggles as head cheer leader – something I’m sure we can all identify with. It’s about as camp as Elton John in a tent, but has some great one liners, some great dance routines and is a lovely show of just what generation “look at me” is really all about – something I’m sure we can all identify with. Altogether now, “I’m wanted, I’m hot, I’m everything you’re not!”

Apocalypse Now (1979) ITV4 11pm

I wanted manly and I got it – possibly the manliest film ever created which doesn’t border on homoeroticism – or does it? Decide on the subtext afterwards, but for now enjoy one of the greatest films of all time; Francis Ford Copploa’s journey into darkness… This film has one of the most troubled productions of all time - Marlon Brando was close to eating himself throughout and Martin Sheen had a heart attack because of the stressful shoot, despite being only 37. Yet from that mess comes a masterpiece: albeit (whisper it) slightly flawed. Set during the Vietnam War, Martin Sheen plays Captain Willard, a man sent on a mission to assassinate a renegade Colonel played by the enigmatic Brando. Willard travels down the dangerous Vietnam river and is slowly engulfed by the same darkness that got his intended target – will Willard be able to survive mentally and physically to complete his mission? Fully encapsulating the horror and the madness of the war, the film will grab you by the face and will never let go. Sit back and witness cinema history. And yes it’s my film of the week.

The Illusionist (2006) FILM4 9pm

Yes a fourth film. If you don’t want rom-com, camp, or Vietnamese mind fuck, here’s a decent Hollywood film you can just sit back and enjoy. No it’s not the best, but it’s Monday, and sometimes you just want to sit down with a film that will hold your attention and leave you feeling satisfied at the end. Edward Norton is a magician who is messing with powers he cannot control (political powers that is) when he falls for a woman who is off limits: the Prince’s wife.

Tuesday

A Time to Kill (1996) FILM4 9pm

Never seen this, but in the main places I looked it’s be recommended, so there you go! Matthew Mconaughey is a young lawyer defending Samuel L. Jackson (don’t just judge him on Batman & Robin, he’s done a lot of good films). Here’ the review for you from Empire Online:

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?FID=4062

Rushmore (1999) Sky Modern Greats 10pm

I recommended this the other week, but from talking to my friends, not a lot of you watched it. Geez. Well here it is again, make sure you at least record it. It’s a Wes Anderson comedy about a teenager (Jason Schwartzman) who develops a crush on his teacher. It’s funny, it’s quirky… just watch it. Go on.

The Terminator (1984) SYFY 11pm

Not as many people have watched this as Terminator 2 so here you go. One of the most important sci-fi films of all time, this is a lot grittier then it’s more accomplished younger brother. Directed by James Cameron, the film is about a cyborg (Arnold Schwarzenegger) who is sent back in time to assassinate the leader of the human resistance following a future war between man and machine. Only a member of the resistance, Kyle Reese (Michael Biehn), who is sent back in time after the cyborg has a chance of saving humanity… I don’t think I need to say any more than that really, but if you need me to, then just ask.

Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 8 pm

It has Ryan Gosling looking smooth as fuck in suits.

Wednesday

Dirty Harry (1971) TCM 9pm

Here is another classic which has not been picked up by a generation as much as it should, even though I’m sure most people are very familiar with it. Alright, I’ll climb down of my pedestal now, but seriously this film is an absolute classic! Clint Eastwood and his .44 Magnum dish out the justice – pain style! Maybe this is the most manly film of all time? With quotable line after quotable line, Clint’s Harry is a formidable mix of manly manliness and uber cool. Watch this especially if you enjoyed Bring It On a little too much and want re-align a couple of things.

Harold and Maude (1971) Sky Classics 8pm

Oh how lucky I am to have this on Sky Classics, because I have been meaning to watch this for a while now. This film follows a death obsessed young man who falls for a 79 year old woman. Yep, you read that right. It’s meant to be an oddball comedy (you don’t say), but I’ve been reliably informed that the impact this film had is still being felt today. Here’s Empire’s review:

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/reviewcomplete.asp?SID=10139

Kingpin (1996) FILM4 11.05pm

Those bloody Farelly brothers, hey? What are they like? Well if you genuinely wanted an answer to that rhetorical question then the answer would be “they are hilariously funny, well used to be anyway, and are famed for their gross out humour mixed with incredible wit.” This film follows an Amish Man (Randy Quaid) who is very skilful at bowling, so much so that former pro Woody Harrelson takes him under his wing. A film that will probably offend just about everyone and also has Bill Murray in it, so many bonus points for that.

Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 8 pm

It has Ryan Gosling’s abs in it.

Thursday

The Inbetweeners Movie (2011) Channel 4 9pm

No.

Police Academy (1984) TCM 9pm

The Gutt! Yeah! Steve Guttenberg is a member of Police Academy witha bunch of young trainee cops who just love to cause trouble! It’s rude, it’s crude and has a very young Kim Cattral (woof!). If the sequels have ruined your opinion of the series, then watch this to rectify things.  Oh, and just for the record, Steve Guttenberg apparently has a huge cock. Now you know.

The Lost Boys (1987) TCM 10.50pm

A classic teen movie about two brothers who move house - which just happens to be in a town full of vampires. No wonder the house was so cheap, d’uh! Ah well… Great 80’s romp, which was about as cool as you could get back in the day, and it still holds up pretty well by today’s standards as well. Kiefer Sutherland acts all brooding and also has the two Corey’s in it (Haim and Feldman) before they were about to piss their careers away through drugs and more drugs. Great cinema.

Meek’s Cutoff (2010) Film4 11am

Not a lot on today (well certainly nothing worth recommending you probably haven’t seen), so after researching several films this seems to come out on top. It’s a film following three families on the pioneer trail who have to deal with the brutalities that come with being on the frontier. If that doesn’t particular grab you then maybe this review from Empire Online will:

http://www.empireonline.com/reviews/review.asp?DVDID=118782

Crazy Stupid Love (2011) Sky Premier 9.45pm

It has Emma Stone in it, who I would like to be my wife one day (believe it or not).

Friday

Caddyshack (1980) Sky Modern Greats 8pm

One of my favourite comfort films to stick on when things are tough; this is a classic comedy following the trials and tribulations at a golf club. Bill Murray, Rodney Dangerfield and Chevy Chase star – which is surprising given a) Chevy Chase and Bill Murray hated each other at this point of time and b) they were never intended to be the stars of the film, they were just given a lot more screen time because of the phenomenal improv work they were doing – much to the disgruntlement of the film’s original stars whose parts were pushed more into the back ground as a result. Ah well, we shouldn’t complain, the film is much better because of it.

Attack the Block (2011) FILM4 9pm

I think any British film that comes out these days has a head start in reviewers’ minds. You can understand why (kind of). We British are a patriotic bunch and the chance to push a home grown film over a nasty American impostor must be seen as admirable, right? Of course I am being sarcastic, but I sympathise somewhat with biased people. This film is no exception in my eyes, sure it’s good, but all the noise that was being made about it before hand would make you think you were going to see something that it isn’t. Hopefully, my little write up should dampen your expectations, because you will enjoy the film a lot more if it has. The film follows a group of ASBO kids who take on an alien invasion. Nowhere near as dumb as it sounds, the action is good and raw in places, yet the film has a slightly predictable feel to it.

Dead Man’s Shoes (2004) FILM4 10.55pm

You know what I was saying earlier about hyped up British films that aren’t quite as great as people would have you believe? Well this is an exception. Made for under a million pounds, Paddy Considine is a man with an agenda, a killing agenda. He returns home in order to exact revenge on people who abused his mentally challenged brother, and all kinds of pain follow. Make sure you check this out.

Crazy Stupid Love (2011)

Just go and buy it, you’ll want to watch it again soon.