Decent Films to Watch This Week (3/2/14)

A wise man once said, ‘just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand’.

With that in mind here are your recommendations for the week.

Monday

Magnolia (1999) Sky Select 10pm

Unfortunately one of the inspirations to start writing this again was the untimely passing of one Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Probably more unfortunate is the fact it will take his death to get the recognition he deserves (my Dad keeps reminding me of this fact for some reason). Phil would probably just argue that, the real tragedy is the simple fact that he is dead and he’d rather be alive.

Selfish.

But regardless, cinema has lost one of its true greats. Fate/Rupert Murdoch saw fit to acknowledge this by handily placing on TV tonight one of Hoffman’s more celebrated roles; that of ‘Phil Parma’ in one of his (many) collaborations with the maverick, Paul Thomas Anderson.

Now, a word of warning.

Yes the temptation may be to dive right into this film, but you are likely to have one of two reactions.

a)     (regardless of your actual thoughts towards the movie)Wow! What a film, PSH is amazing, the film is amazing and as a result I feel amazing.

Or (and most probably)

b)      What…the fuck was that?

PTA makes films that are not exactly – how should I say this – user friendly. And when I reference ‘user’ I mean Joe Public. His most digestible film is probably Boogie Nights, and even that will lose some viewers along the entirety of its showing. At this point you are either thinking:

a)      What the fuck are you on about?  Only a moron could not get what PTA is trying to say.

b)      Oh I bet you like the films ‘cause you love films, and you love sucking the dick of good films and just sucking dick in general.

c)       Who the fuck is PTA?

I try and make recommendations which are going to let you know what you’re getting into, so I’ll try and cover all bases here. This film follows several characters over LA and none of them are having a particularly good day. From Tom Cruise’s misogynistic ‘self-help’ guru spurting off junk to testosterone fuelled losers at a seminar, to Hoffman caring for a dying patient - it’s not particularly happy stuff to watch with the kids. Add to that it’s long, convoluted, and there are scenes where not a lot happens (although some people would argue that the subtle touch is more effective than a firm hand – and they’d have a point). BUT if you have the patience, if you have the alertness, and if you have an open mind, there is a lot to love. All the performances (including Hoffman’s) are stellar. The critique of the human condition is fascinating – portraying the fragile, yet resilient nature of a person’s being – the ability to self-destruct is just as prominent as its ability to repent and repair if the individual is willing. Despite the outlandish nature of the characters, their plights are transferable and invite an introspective look at your own ‘condition’….

It’s just not the easiest of watches.

If you want to appreciate Hoffman but don’t have the appetite for the more demanding of films, then fear not! Check him out in films such as The Talented Mr Ripley or even Along Came Polly. Yes the latter is not the greatest film, but it’s a testament to Hoffman that, whatever challenge he took on, he did so in a charismatic and memorable fashion. He was totally dedicated to his profession, and his own biggest critic - which ultimately led to his own downfall. Few actors had his versatility or screen presence, and very few will have so in the future, so make sure you appreciate what the man has done.  Just appreciate that every film, like with any actor, might not just be for you, and don’t feel obliged to like it because you have some pretentious prick like me saying its good.

Oh and for the record I thought Magnolia was good, just a bit overly long and overly convoluted.

Also on tonight –

Black Swan (2010) Film 4 10pm

I dearly love this film from Darren Aronofsky (the score is actually provided by a Dudley boy, Clint Mansell), and is perfectly brought to life by Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Vincent Cassel. Part Psychological thriller, part wank fest as Natalie and Mila Kunis get it on a bit – great cinema that will have you on the edge of your seat.

The Running Man (1987) 10pm

Arnie vs dystopian gladiators that have names like Fireball and Captain Freedom – what’s not to love?


Tuesday

Ip Man (2008) Film 4 23.15

Disclaimer - Right, I haven't watched this film yet (oh boo yourself), however I am merely a guide on your cinematic crusade! A compass if you will, pointing you in the direction of the promised land... Enlightened-ville...

Yes that will work.

This is a film that I've been meaning to watch for a while, so we can share the experience together, won't that be nice? No? Ok - this film is about the titular Ip Man (not just a clever title), he is the bloke that trained Bruce Lee, so you know he can probably handle himself in a fight. Presumably he did train Bruce Lee in Martial Arts and not snake-charming; while a film dedicated to snake-charming would be mildly intriguing, I think men in general would prefer martial arts as it appears quite high in their list of Top 10 Things of Interest (according to the 2013 census):

1. Tits
2. Bottoms (female)
3. Football
4. Boobs
5. Explosions
6. Alcohol
7. Marital Arts / Fighting
8. Money
9. Snake Charming
10. Emily Ratajkowski

Hello Number 10, I'm gonna Number 5 on your Number 1's

I could of forced in a reference to Number 9, but I think I was already pushing my luck.

What's that? Oh right the film, yes, several people have recommended it to me and it's got 8 bloody point 1 on IMDB! Ip Man is the martial arts champion of 1935 Japan and he is forced into a conflict with Japanese Soldiers - sounds fantastic. And with the sequel on tomorrow I recommend you set your recorders for an impressive Number 7 double bill.

Delightful.

The Five Year Engagement (2012) Sky Valentine (really?) 12.20

Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for a romantic comedy. No? Ok, maybe you don't know me that well. It's OK, it's pretty far down the list - these are the things Chris Malin is most well known for (according to the 2013 census):

1. Being Gay
2. Being Gay
3. Films
4. Being Gay
...
25. Being Gay
26. Romantic Comedies
27. Snake Charming
28. Bumming

Number 1-ing it up.

 What's that? Oh right the film - Jason Segel and Emily Blunt get engaged and leave it a bit longer than they  intended to get married and therefore some inevitable rot sets in. I say inevitable because otherwise it wouldn't make for an interesting story, as opposed to me not believing in love.

Not that I harbor any bitterness towards 'love'...

I googled 'I hate women' for a hi-larious photo, but this came up and was way more amusing - yam sure bab?

As is to be expected from Team Apatow (Judd produced this), it's equally funny and thoughtful - giving you a giggle but also making you feel for the characters (and as a result yourself).


Wednesday

Hello, as you may have ascertained from Chris' (no doubt) labored introduction, he is ill. Apparently so ill he is unable to type a few words. We all know Chris is a pussy, so this should come as no surprise to anyone. In fact, using the information I have about Chris' state I have put together an artist's impression of Chris in his current condition.

So, as a concerned fan I have decided to help out dear Chris. Using the power of technology available since the 19th century, and someone propping up the phone next to our nearly departed... Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight's recommendations.

Ip Man 2 (2010) Film4 11.05pm

Chris can you hear me? Good, so the first... what was that? No I don't think you're going to die. So the first... No aspirin isn't a suppository... a... how many? That's a lot. Yes too many. Do you feel any better? Kinda... ok. Ip Man 2? Yes, yes, you are 'Up man' given your unusual remedy to the common cold, very good. Yes I know what 2 rhymes with. Can we get this started? I have things to do... Ok, Chris says that he recommended the first Ip Man last night and having watched it, it was very good. And this is meant to be better, so definitely watch this. Done? Good, simple.

Children of Men (2006) Sky Greats 10.25pm

Chris, now the second film, a- he's just calling for his mother. One second....Seriously I don't think he appreciates I have stuff to... Hmmm.... I don't remember his mother sounding so masculine. Or quite that assertive. Or that graphic. Chris? Your voice has gone higher, everything OK? Now you're slurring.... Hold on, this is taking time to decipher. Future... no babies.... Clive Owen.... in possession of pregnant woman.... All hell break loose... Very good. Ok? Yes I know Clive Owen is in it. Yes, Clive Owen... established. Stop saying Clive Owen. Is that your mother I can hear again?

Cable Guy (1996) Sky Comedy 10pm

Overlooked Jim Carrey classic? Very good? No Clive Owen isn't in this film I don't think.... Stop saying his name. Yes I know it's good... very good... very very good. Ok... Is that a dog I can hear?

Layer Cake (2004) 9pm

No this is Daniel Craig... wow I think he really is in pain now.... He sounds in agony... That dog is barking loud as well. He's trying to tell me his next film... Bangkok? Stop laughing.... Oh...

Timecop (1994) 5 USA 11pm

Oh I see... No I'm not saying his name...I'm going to have a shower... No.

Thursday

Deep Blue Sea (1999) 5* 9pm & Snakes on a Plane (2006) 10.55pm

I'm sick, of these motherfucking sharks, on this motherfucking scientific research out-post.

Snatch (2000) 5USA 10pm

The most quotable film of all time? Yes.

5) Bullet Tooth Tony: [to Tyrone] What's your name?

Sol: Shoot him.

Bullet Tooth Tony: Ooh.

4) Sol: It's a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent.

3) Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?

Bullet Tooth Tony: 'Cause he dodges bullets, Avi.

2) Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I have got 'Desert Eagle Point 5 0'... Written down the side of mine... Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.

1) Brick Top: I don't care if he's Muhammad "I'm hard" Bruce Lee. 




This is 40 (2012) Sky Valentine 9.45pm

Right, I'm really struggling over the line here as I think I may vommit, but please don't see this as a reflection on the film. It's one of Judd Apatow's Drom-Rom-Coms and a semi sequel of sorts to Knocked Up. This takes a darker turn then Knocked Up as it follows Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd's decaying relationship - but it's still very funny and very in line with reality.... Or so I can imagine.


Friday

Stoker (2013) Sky Premiere 10.10pm

Tis a weird one this - but no less captivating for it. Evie (Nicole Kidman) loses her husband and invites his brother, the charismatic yet mysterious Charlie into her home to help fill the gap - much to the dismay of her teenage daughter, India. India is reeling from the loss of her father - alone in her house, bullied at school - yet the introduction of foreign agent Charlie forces her to come of age. The use of the word 'come' was not intended as a pun, but it seems oddly appropriate given the sexual undertones in this film. In fact undertones may as well of just been the title of this film - sexual undertones, creepy undertones, Hitchcock undertones - it mixes many different genres. What is created as a result is a fascinating film which will constantly having you ask yourself questions on what you are seeing on screen - what is the uncle up to? what is the mother up to? Is there going to be one big orgy involving all the family members?  If you want a creepy and sexy film (and why would you not?) then here you go.