What to Watch on Netflix - Part One - TV

Hello, hello, hello - how are you? Brilliant. Rash calmed down yet? Brilliant.

As you know, Netflix is pretty great - but a lot of people think the content is quite limited. Well think again, dumbass! (sorry, I didn't mean that) There's loads of stuff. Here is part one for all stuff TV related, part two for film coming soon....

(I've split my recommendations up into 3 categories: serious stuff, lighter hearted affairs mixing comedy and drama in equal measure, and full on comedy)

Serious, must watch every single episode in one sitting, TV productions.

Must Watch - House of Cards

Breaking Bad did a lot more than bring quality entertainment into a lot of peoples lives. It heralded a new beginning among the popular masses - it finally confirmed that you didn't have to go to the cinema, buy/hire a blue ray/DVD or illegally download to get cinema quality productions. Included within the vague term 'productions' I mean cinema quality stories, cinema quality acting, cinema quality anything  - in fact using the term cinema quality is now probably a disservice to the top tier of TV productions. TV offers a lot more freedom creatively to the greatest story tellers of all time. Got a great story to tell? Fuck cinema, I don't have to condense everything into two hours - I can let this story grow organically and take my time. Want to push the boundaries of what's 'acceptable' content wise? Fuck cinema, I don't have to worry about killing off the main character, can get away with a lot more violence, and basically not have to answer to any nervy production heads. Breaking Bad confirmed this, and House of Cards carries the torch. This is what you need to replace Walter White. This is the next hit.

House of Cards is a re-imagining of a British production of the same name made over 20 years ago. While it was rightly revered, it never quite hit the big time - the modern update seems on course to achieve just that. It follows Chief Whip Francis Underwood (played devilishly by Kevin Spacey - more on him in a bit) who is overlooked for a promotion by the new President of the United States. Frank is a bit miffed about this and shares his plot with the audience - to overthrow the President for his treachery and get the big job for himself.

Now I can already hear a few groans at that brief overview - Political Thriller doesn't exactly get the juices flowing, but just stay with me here. Yes it can be a bit complicated at times given the nature of the USA's political sphere, but that is merely the back drop for Frank to work his magic. This is a slick and sexy production and one of the men at the helm is David Fincher - the director of Se7en, The Social Network and Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - so he knows a thing or two about putting together something slicker than the slickiest of oil slicks created by Captain Slicky. The dialogue is snappy, the story plot twists & turns so much you feel like you are hanging on to the sofa for dear life, and the end of each episode will have you begging for more.

And the coup de grace to any more doubts you may have? Kevin mo-fo-ing Spacey. This is a man who can act - we know this. He is a man who has given more dynamite performances than I'd care to imagine. He stole the show in Se7en from under Brad and Martin's noses even though he was on screen for about 20 minutes. He won the Oscar for American Beauty... The guy is an eye magnet. His performance in House of Cards is no exception - he is simply electrifying. You get just as much joy from his calculated interaction with his unknowing victims as you do his monologues to the audience - Frank constantly tells us of his plans, winks at the camera when something goes his way, or rolls his eyes to break the fourth dimension so we know the true monster he is - and he revels in it. This is a very accomplished show.

So - intelligent and ruthless anti-hero who strives for ultimate power? Amazingly well put together plot that carries you along at break neck speed? Cliff hangers that will leave you begging for more? Sounds very familiar....

Anti heroes are so in right now.

Breaking Bad

There's nothing else to say about this really is there? There's three reasons why I've included it - a) To draw parallels with House of Cards
b) Just so I can talk about it again and think how much joy it has given me
c) Just on the off chance you haven't seen it, to make sure you start watching it now... Right now.

One of the best TV shows of all time?

You're God damn right. 

Other considerations..........

24

I feel something unfair has happened to 24 over the last few years. I think some people look back on it like Von Dutch hats - yeah they were good at the time, but we've moved on since then.

I was one of those people (24, not the hats - if I wear a cap it looks like I'm undergoing chemotherapy). I had disregarded it's ridiculous plots, cliffhangers....ridiculous everything - in favour of grittier, more realistic productions - namely The Wire. The Wire is my fave show of all time (sorry Walter), but a funny thing happened the other day - I was quite ill for a week (not funny to me, but probably to you) and I stumbled upon 24 on Netflix. I never finished Season 8, had nothing else to watch, so thought I might as well get it over with (I had after all watched the 7 previous seasons - like necking a pretty ugly bird all night and taking her back to yours - I'd come this far, may as well go the whole hog). Wow wee (?) - I'd forgotten how good it was. I demolished all 24 episodes in about 3 days and was left hungry for more - this show is like crack for the eyes - you can never watch just one episode (well I certainly can't anyway).

If you're unfamiliar, the show follows Jack Bauer who works for the Counter Terrorist Unit. Each season is split into 24 episodes showcasing an hour in a particularly distressful day for Mr Bauer battling terrorists from all over the globe eager to take the mighty U S of A down. The show is amazingly entertaining and I dare you not to get hooked. If you haven't watched it then leave your reservations at home and jump on in - just don't blame me if you find yourself skipping work/sleep/meals/going outside.  

Dexter

Great concept this - a serial killer works for the Miami police department while he dishes out his own vigilante justice and feeds his blood lust by killing criminals. If that sounds overly dark then don't worry - while it does have some very dark moments, the show keeps things bearable by a very sunny back drop, a cast of characters that keeps things light and breezy, and some very funny black humor. Oh yeah, and the Serial Killer, Dexter, just happens to be an immensely lovable character. First Season is great and from that point on, it roller-coasters a bit, some good seasons, some not so good - but it's still brilliant TV and a worthy edition to your schedule.

Sons of Anarchy

Hands up who wants to see a TV show about a biking gang that involves drug dealing, lots of violence and Ron Perlman?

I thought so...

He's Ron Perlman.

I like this show, not love, but like - however I know a lot of people who LOVE this. Some of the episodes are formulaic, but once it gets into its stride it becomes like an acceptable soap opera for men to watch - lots of scandal, lots of betrayal, lots of twists - all wrapped up in an aggressive, scuffed, blood stained leather jacket.

Guaranteed you'll consider joining a motorcycle gang after this.

Battlestar Gallactica

Definitely not for everyone this. If you like your sci-fi dark, complicated and unforgiving then this is for you. Humans are on the verge of extinction and are on the run from their would be executioners - the human created Cyclons. Upon the spaceship Battlestar Gallactica, the humans are led by Admiral William Adama who is trying to return to the mythical 'Earth' for safe haven. If you like your philosophical conundrums interspersed with fights in space - then this is for you. I've watched one season and while at some points it does drag, when it is on form it is some of the most compelling TV I have watched. 



And one that I haven't watched but fully intend to - Justified

For those interested - this is the next show I am going to watch. www.DenofGeek.com do a very good write up of it to show why I'll be watching this next -

"...Justified is about a federal lawman (Timothy Olyphant) whose uncompromising sense of justice is increasingly out of step with the complicated world he lives in. 

It’s a character-driven drama filled with violence, pathos, sex, anger, humour, and a kind of run-down, dusty, dirty beauty, and it will wrap its grubby little hands right around your heart if you give it half a chance.

Even if you’ve never seen a second of Deadwood (Olyphant's previous big TV hit), though, you’ll be won over by Justified. I can’t heap enough superlatives on it. Watch the first episode, if you don’t believe me. You’ll be sold by the end of the first scene, and by the end of the first season, you’ll be trying to figure out if you can get away with wearing a cowboy hat to work."

(for the whole recommendation go to http://www.denofgeek.com/tv/justified/23468/why-you-should-be-watching-justified)


Lighter watching...

These shows aren't going to grab you by the knackers (or whatever the female equivalent is... ovaries perhaps? Female readers feel free to let me know) and refuse to let go, but instead offer a show which is nice to sit down to at the end of the day. Want something that mixes great story with some humor? Then here you go...

Must Watch - Castle

Right, the set up of this - a successful crime novelist is enlisted by the police after a serial killer starts copying the murders in his book. Sounds a bit labored, right? And you'd be right! But momentarily suspending your disbelief opens you up to a great TV show. Nathan Fillion as novelist Richard Castle is brilliant (when is he not?) being both incredibly charming and incredibly funny. He is the foil to super serious, super sexy detective Kate Becket, and yes, you can see where this going - she is initially skeptical of his ways, there's a lot of sexual tension and we enter into a will they/won't they scenario as they solve their particular mystery of the week. It's been done before, but it's a great show - interesting, funny, and did I mention Nathan Fillion? You can't help but love him....

Californication

Nathan Fillion is the king of cool & casual - the lovable rogue. You'd bring him home to your mother and she'd be enamored with his charm and the sparkle in his eye. Yes she might be a bit confused as to why I'm bringing home a 40 year old man for her to meet, but a few of his one liners and he'd be in. David Duchovny's Hank would be a different story though. Yes he is cool, but he drinks a lot. And likes having a lot of random sexual encounters. Mum would welcome him in , she'd be a bit more wary... and would probably end up shagging him. Gutted.

Hank is a writer and a good one at that. However, he is a bit down on his luck at the moment - he is struggling with writing, the aforementioned hedonistic lifestyle, and has a daughter to raise as well. But with that many issues you know it's gonna make good TV! More adult than the previous entry, this show follows Hank and all his shagging shenanigans - and we love him for it. Very funny, very adult and very sharp - this will be a great addition to your TV line up. 

Orange is the New Black

After the last two alpha males, lets balance things out a bit - time to inject some oestrogen in to the equation! Yes this is probably aimed towards the humans who do not benefit from a y-chromosome - but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy it if you find life's problems a bit more simplistic. Like House of Cards, this is a Netflix production, and if their two early productions are anything to go by we're in for a lot of high quality entertainment from the online production house... 

Piper Chapman's life has taken a slight turn for the worse. She's a 30 something, attractive, white middle class girl who's just about to start her own business - then she gets sent to jail for some drug trafficking she did 10 years previously. Bugger. While being a fish out of water does take some getting used to - learning about the prison's in-house rules, who to talk to, who not to talk to, old lesbian lovers - Piper gets to grips with being in the slammer and is able to make her own mark through her intelligence and ingenuity. It has its very funny moments and it's very dramatic moments - so offers a great mix to people wanting a bit of both, and hey, who doesn't? Great plot keeps you wanting more from the show and it duly delivers - despite my initial male skepticism I devoured the whole series in about a week. Must watch.

And two I haven't watched but fully intend to...Dollhouse & Firefly 
Who here knows who Joss Whedon is? Anyone? Yes you, the spotty teenager at the back? Yes that is correct - here is...

"Hi, I'm Joss - and believe it or not I am better than you"

Joss is responsible for this...

That's what got him to the mainstream, but he was already a big name to some. As the spotty teenager I keep hostage in my house attested to earlier, Joss is very well known in the geek community for this...

I love you

And this...

I love you more

and also this....

The eagle eyed among you will recognize that at the front of the Firefly's image is none of other than my Mum's best mate, Nathan Fillion. Unsurprisingly he is doing his lovable rogue thang here again, except this time he is the captain of a spaceship set 500 years in the future. Now a reason why Joss has taken so long to get into the mainstream is because people look down on stuff that is geeky. I am a geek. I am looked down upon. Yes there are many reasons why I'm looked down upon, but being a geek is one (of many) reason(s). On many occasions I have recommended people to watch Buffy only to be met by laughter and derision - and this upsets me. Not the laughing and derision, I can handle that, but the fact that they are missing out on some great TV. Firefly is meant to follow the example of Buffy and Angel and be great TV. And then some. In fact I am a little embarrassed I haven't watched it such is my fondness for Joss' work - but I am in no doubt to the quality that awaits me. As is the standard for Joss I will be met with extra sharp wit, a great cast of characters, and an engaging story. What else could you wish for? Some people will be familiar with this after watching the film that capped off the series, Serenity - well here is your chance to become familiar with the whole canon.

And there is yet more Whedon goodness on Netflix in the form of Dollhouse -

If Joss is sure of one thing, it's how to write a strong female character - 

The show follows an organization that employs mind-wiped humans known as Dolls who are implanted with false memories and skills for various missions and tasks. When they are not 'at work' they are living in a real life Dollhouse which gives the show the name. One of those mind-wiped humans, a young woman named Echo, is slowly starting to become aware of herself and what's going on - all the while somebody on the outside is trying to bring the Dollhouse down while getting closer to Echo - possibly not aware that she is one of the Dolls he is after. (Written by blank_dolls@livejournal.com on http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1135300/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1)

Well I think it sounds interesting anyway. Or you could just watch Buffy. Which you really should. Just be aware that the first season hasn't aged well - get past that though and you'll be laughing. And crying. Oh God I miss Buffy.....

And Angel.

Mmmm

Anyway....

Comedies!

Why the exclamation point? I really don't know - but when you really want a laugh then look no further then these excellent choices -

Must Watch - Arrested Development

The funniest show of all time? Maybe... just maybe. Certainly one thing is for sure, I have never seen a comedy that is crafted in the same way as this. If The Wire or Breaking Bad had a comedy equivalent in terms of writing then this is it. The jokes are set up and crafted without you knowing about it, it's really different level to 99.99999% of the comedy that is out there. 

Michael Bluth is about to inherit the family business, his father is stepping to one side, and Michael has some big ideas in how to take the business forward. Michael is revelling at the prospect of his imminent take over, as the rest of the family is about as dysfunctional as they come - each member (to differing degrees) is selfish, stupid, ignorant and lots of other bad qualities that are really bad. Suffice to say the take over doesn't go quite as well he'd hoped and he is stuck dealing with his beloved family. Each member of the cast is memorable (although Gob and Tobias come pretty close to pipping the popularity stakes).

Really, just watch it, you have no excuse.

The Office - yes both of them

Now is not the time to debate which is better (the UK version), but both are brilliant. For every person I speak to who prefers the English one, I speak to another who prefers the US version. Given them both a shot (I recommend watching the UK version first), and be a bit patient with the US version till it finds its feet and starts doing its own thing.

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia

I've only just started watching this, but it's already gearing up for classic status, I can feel it. The show follows a bunch of losers in their late 20's desperately clinging on to their youthful ways and ignoring the temptations of adulthood. Unlike the characters the writing is sharp and surprisingly dark as well. Deffo take in a few episodes and see what you think.

Archer

Another one I've only just started watching, but again I am expecting big things. Archer is a secret agent who likes the finer things in life. And by 'finer' I mean having sex with women. He's obnoxious, arrogant, and ignorant - oh and the agency he works for is run by his mother. The show is stupid in a very clever way and definitely not a cartoon for kids. Enjoy.

One I need to watch... Modern Family

It annoys my friend Daniel Stevens to the high heavens I haven't watched this. Like really annoys him. It's admission in this little guide caused my other friend Matthew John to point out it's absence. It generally gets very high praise from everywhere. So I should probably watch it. Probably.Why haven't I watched it? I don't really know - I have so much to watch, I guess... I know I have no excuse. Guess I should stop typing now and just watch it. But my cat has just got on the desk - she looks upset. I'll play with the cat for a bit and then watch it. Probably.

Decent Films to Watch This Week (3/2/14)

A wise man once said, ‘just because I don’t care, doesn’t mean I don’t understand’.

With that in mind here are your recommendations for the week.

Monday

Magnolia (1999) Sky Select 10pm

Unfortunately one of the inspirations to start writing this again was the untimely passing of one Phillip Seymour Hoffman. Probably more unfortunate is the fact it will take his death to get the recognition he deserves (my Dad keeps reminding me of this fact for some reason). Phil would probably just argue that, the real tragedy is the simple fact that he is dead and he’d rather be alive.

Selfish.

But regardless, cinema has lost one of its true greats. Fate/Rupert Murdoch saw fit to acknowledge this by handily placing on TV tonight one of Hoffman’s more celebrated roles; that of ‘Phil Parma’ in one of his (many) collaborations with the maverick, Paul Thomas Anderson.

Now, a word of warning.

Yes the temptation may be to dive right into this film, but you are likely to have one of two reactions.

a)     (regardless of your actual thoughts towards the movie)Wow! What a film, PSH is amazing, the film is amazing and as a result I feel amazing.

Or (and most probably)

b)      What…the fuck was that?

PTA makes films that are not exactly – how should I say this – user friendly. And when I reference ‘user’ I mean Joe Public. His most digestible film is probably Boogie Nights, and even that will lose some viewers along the entirety of its showing. At this point you are either thinking:

a)      What the fuck are you on about?  Only a moron could not get what PTA is trying to say.

b)      Oh I bet you like the films ‘cause you love films, and you love sucking the dick of good films and just sucking dick in general.

c)       Who the fuck is PTA?

I try and make recommendations which are going to let you know what you’re getting into, so I’ll try and cover all bases here. This film follows several characters over LA and none of them are having a particularly good day. From Tom Cruise’s misogynistic ‘self-help’ guru spurting off junk to testosterone fuelled losers at a seminar, to Hoffman caring for a dying patient - it’s not particularly happy stuff to watch with the kids. Add to that it’s long, convoluted, and there are scenes where not a lot happens (although some people would argue that the subtle touch is more effective than a firm hand – and they’d have a point). BUT if you have the patience, if you have the alertness, and if you have an open mind, there is a lot to love. All the performances (including Hoffman’s) are stellar. The critique of the human condition is fascinating – portraying the fragile, yet resilient nature of a person’s being – the ability to self-destruct is just as prominent as its ability to repent and repair if the individual is willing. Despite the outlandish nature of the characters, their plights are transferable and invite an introspective look at your own ‘condition’….

It’s just not the easiest of watches.

If you want to appreciate Hoffman but don’t have the appetite for the more demanding of films, then fear not! Check him out in films such as The Talented Mr Ripley or even Along Came Polly. Yes the latter is not the greatest film, but it’s a testament to Hoffman that, whatever challenge he took on, he did so in a charismatic and memorable fashion. He was totally dedicated to his profession, and his own biggest critic - which ultimately led to his own downfall. Few actors had his versatility or screen presence, and very few will have so in the future, so make sure you appreciate what the man has done.  Just appreciate that every film, like with any actor, might not just be for you, and don’t feel obliged to like it because you have some pretentious prick like me saying its good.

Oh and for the record I thought Magnolia was good, just a bit overly long and overly convoluted.

Also on tonight –

Black Swan (2010) Film 4 10pm

I dearly love this film from Darren Aronofsky (the score is actually provided by a Dudley boy, Clint Mansell), and is perfectly brought to life by Natalie Portman, Mila Kunis and Vincent Cassel. Part Psychological thriller, part wank fest as Natalie and Mila Kunis get it on a bit – great cinema that will have you on the edge of your seat.

The Running Man (1987) 10pm

Arnie vs dystopian gladiators that have names like Fireball and Captain Freedom – what’s not to love?


Tuesday

Ip Man (2008) Film 4 23.15

Disclaimer - Right, I haven't watched this film yet (oh boo yourself), however I am merely a guide on your cinematic crusade! A compass if you will, pointing you in the direction of the promised land... Enlightened-ville...

Yes that will work.

This is a film that I've been meaning to watch for a while, so we can share the experience together, won't that be nice? No? Ok - this film is about the titular Ip Man (not just a clever title), he is the bloke that trained Bruce Lee, so you know he can probably handle himself in a fight. Presumably he did train Bruce Lee in Martial Arts and not snake-charming; while a film dedicated to snake-charming would be mildly intriguing, I think men in general would prefer martial arts as it appears quite high in their list of Top 10 Things of Interest (according to the 2013 census):

1. Tits
2. Bottoms (female)
3. Football
4. Boobs
5. Explosions
6. Alcohol
7. Marital Arts / Fighting
8. Money
9. Snake Charming
10. Emily Ratajkowski

Hello Number 10, I'm gonna Number 5 on your Number 1's

I could of forced in a reference to Number 9, but I think I was already pushing my luck.

What's that? Oh right the film, yes, several people have recommended it to me and it's got 8 bloody point 1 on IMDB! Ip Man is the martial arts champion of 1935 Japan and he is forced into a conflict with Japanese Soldiers - sounds fantastic. And with the sequel on tomorrow I recommend you set your recorders for an impressive Number 7 double bill.

Delightful.

The Five Year Engagement (2012) Sky Valentine (really?) 12.20

Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for a romantic comedy. No? Ok, maybe you don't know me that well. It's OK, it's pretty far down the list - these are the things Chris Malin is most well known for (according to the 2013 census):

1. Being Gay
2. Being Gay
3. Films
4. Being Gay
...
25. Being Gay
26. Romantic Comedies
27. Snake Charming
28. Bumming

Number 1-ing it up.

 What's that? Oh right the film - Jason Segel and Emily Blunt get engaged and leave it a bit longer than they  intended to get married and therefore some inevitable rot sets in. I say inevitable because otherwise it wouldn't make for an interesting story, as opposed to me not believing in love.

Not that I harbor any bitterness towards 'love'...

I googled 'I hate women' for a hi-larious photo, but this came up and was way more amusing - yam sure bab?

As is to be expected from Team Apatow (Judd produced this), it's equally funny and thoughtful - giving you a giggle but also making you feel for the characters (and as a result yourself).


Wednesday

Hello, as you may have ascertained from Chris' (no doubt) labored introduction, he is ill. Apparently so ill he is unable to type a few words. We all know Chris is a pussy, so this should come as no surprise to anyone. In fact, using the information I have about Chris' state I have put together an artist's impression of Chris in his current condition.

So, as a concerned fan I have decided to help out dear Chris. Using the power of technology available since the 19th century, and someone propping up the phone next to our nearly departed... Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight's recommendations.

Ip Man 2 (2010) Film4 11.05pm

Chris can you hear me? Good, so the first... what was that? No I don't think you're going to die. So the first... No aspirin isn't a suppository... a... how many? That's a lot. Yes too many. Do you feel any better? Kinda... ok. Ip Man 2? Yes, yes, you are 'Up man' given your unusual remedy to the common cold, very good. Yes I know what 2 rhymes with. Can we get this started? I have things to do... Ok, Chris says that he recommended the first Ip Man last night and having watched it, it was very good. And this is meant to be better, so definitely watch this. Done? Good, simple.

Children of Men (2006) Sky Greats 10.25pm

Chris, now the second film, a- he's just calling for his mother. One second....Seriously I don't think he appreciates I have stuff to... Hmmm.... I don't remember his mother sounding so masculine. Or quite that assertive. Or that graphic. Chris? Your voice has gone higher, everything OK? Now you're slurring.... Hold on, this is taking time to decipher. Future... no babies.... Clive Owen.... in possession of pregnant woman.... All hell break loose... Very good. Ok? Yes I know Clive Owen is in it. Yes, Clive Owen... established. Stop saying Clive Owen. Is that your mother I can hear again?

Cable Guy (1996) Sky Comedy 10pm

Overlooked Jim Carrey classic? Very good? No Clive Owen isn't in this film I don't think.... Stop saying his name. Yes I know it's good... very good... very very good. Ok... Is that a dog I can hear?

Layer Cake (2004) 9pm

No this is Daniel Craig... wow I think he really is in pain now.... He sounds in agony... That dog is barking loud as well. He's trying to tell me his next film... Bangkok? Stop laughing.... Oh...

Timecop (1994) 5 USA 11pm

Oh I see... No I'm not saying his name...I'm going to have a shower... No.

Thursday

Deep Blue Sea (1999) 5* 9pm & Snakes on a Plane (2006) 10.55pm

I'm sick, of these motherfucking sharks, on this motherfucking scientific research out-post.

Snatch (2000) 5USA 10pm

The most quotable film of all time? Yes.

5) Bullet Tooth Tony: [to Tyrone] What's your name?

Sol: Shoot him.

Bullet Tooth Tony: Ooh.

4) Sol: It's a fucking anti-aircraft gun, Vincent.

3) Avi: Why do they call him the Bullet-Dodger?

Bullet Tooth Tony: 'Cause he dodges bullets, Avi.

2) Bullet Tooth Tony: And the fact that I have got 'Desert Eagle Point 5 0'... Written down the side of mine... Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... Fuck off.

1) Brick Top: I don't care if he's Muhammad "I'm hard" Bruce Lee. 




This is 40 (2012) Sky Valentine 9.45pm

Right, I'm really struggling over the line here as I think I may vommit, but please don't see this as a reflection on the film. It's one of Judd Apatow's Drom-Rom-Coms and a semi sequel of sorts to Knocked Up. This takes a darker turn then Knocked Up as it follows Leslie Mann and Paul Rudd's decaying relationship - but it's still very funny and very in line with reality.... Or so I can imagine.


Friday

Stoker (2013) Sky Premiere 10.10pm

Tis a weird one this - but no less captivating for it. Evie (Nicole Kidman) loses her husband and invites his brother, the charismatic yet mysterious Charlie into her home to help fill the gap - much to the dismay of her teenage daughter, India. India is reeling from the loss of her father - alone in her house, bullied at school - yet the introduction of foreign agent Charlie forces her to come of age. The use of the word 'come' was not intended as a pun, but it seems oddly appropriate given the sexual undertones in this film. In fact undertones may as well of just been the title of this film - sexual undertones, creepy undertones, Hitchcock undertones - it mixes many different genres. What is created as a result is a fascinating film which will constantly having you ask yourself questions on what you are seeing on screen - what is the uncle up to? what is the mother up to? Is there going to be one big orgy involving all the family members?  If you want a creepy and sexy film (and why would you not?) then here you go.

Decent Films to Watch This Week (29/4/13)

Monday

Again, a usual hurried Monday... I do apologise...

 

Donnie Darko (2001) Sky Select 12.00 am

So, just to give you a gist about how this goes – the titular character, Donnie, is visited by a giant rabbit that then proceeds to inform young Donnie about a future apocalypse. If you think watching this film will shed more light on proceedings then you’d be wrong, at the end of this movie you’ll have a look on your face that would be reminiscent of the expression that follows spontaneously wetting yourself. That’s not necessarily a bad thing though – the film is mind boggling, yes, but this all adds to the bafflingly fantastic ride you’re about to go on. You’ll have never seen anything like it before.

 

And if you're really desperate...

Speed (1994) Sky Action 9pm

Classic action with Mr Neo himself, Keanu Reeves.

Iron Man (2008) Film 4 9pm

In case Iron Man 3 being released inspires you to go back where it all began…

Tuesday

Predator (1987) Film4 9pm & Film4 +1 10pm

Wow – can you get a more manly film than this? There are certainly not many films that can get men giddy in anticipation as this anyway… maybe Die Hard (which should come as no surprise as both films share the same director, John McTiernan - it’s just unfortunate that due to a few court problems he won’t be directing anything else for a while… shame). Why oh why does this film get men so giddy? Right from the off you know the films means business - we see a helicopter lower in from the heavens with Alan Silvestri’s score bellowing out (a soundtrack so masculine that it could only be more masculine if it had women groaning in pleasure over the top mixed in with cans of Lager opening). The helicopter lands and heralds the arrival of some fellas you really don’t want to mess with. They dutifully pour out of the chopper eager to start bringing the pain, and just when we think we’ve seen them all we realise we haven’t…  The biggest and baddest ain’t even considered getting out of the plane yet. He’ll get out when he’s god damn ready. We’re looking at man who is able to crush pine trees in his fist. A man who could light a stick of dynamite off his stubble. A man who looks like he’d keep a Tyrannosarus Rex as a pet… a man… a man named Arnie. Just the start makes you get excited and we haven’t seen anything really yet. We haven’t even heard any dialogue… just from the start though you know you’re about to witness something special. The start certainly doesn’t set you up for disappointment either, hell, how could it – a special forces marine unit goes on a rescue mission against some foreign scum rebel types, but come under attack from an invisible alien who likes to hunt for sport…. What a premise! Even though some of the acting gets a bit cheesy sometimes, you really don’t care, because it’s exactly what you want from the group of badasses you’re watching. You want them to have arm wrestles in mid-air, you want them to be continually engaging in one up man ship the whole time – if the male genitalia could be represented as a film, then this would be that film – the movie has testosterone all over the damn place! This makes all the more sense when you realise that the antagonist of the film, the Predator, has an oversized  and grotesque pussy for a face. Yep, the thing that is most destructive to the male way of life, the woman, is the bad guy in this film. What you have is a group of blokes, doing what they like to do best – blowing shit up – and then the embodiment of woman has to come and ruin it. That’s why blokes love this film, they can relate to what Arnie is going through - the pain of having ones ambitions continually checked by female inhibition. Anyway the men do what they do best and try to fuck the pussy. Not literally of course, they use very big guns in order to do this, but the results are just as entertaining. The woman/predator is characteristically stubborn and picks off the men one by one leading to a tense finale which sets up the ultimate man against the ultimate woman, but getting to that point is so much fun. The shootouts, the predators array of tricks, the endless quotable nature of the film…. Christ it’s probably the quotes that keep men coming back, they are just so frickin’ many! Every man reading this will instantaneously think of ‘get to the choppa!’, but then there are just so more underneath that, every individual will have their own favourites and there are plenty to choose from (‘you son of a bitch!’). That’s another reason why this film is so good, there are so many good bits to focus on that you will have a chat with someone, mention your favourite bit, you’ll both go mental, then he’ll mention his favourite bit, and then you’ll both go mental again. Then some stranger will be listening on the other table, he’ll mention his favourite bit, and you’ll all go mental together. Good times…

So yeah, why is the film so good? Well in summary, it’s cause it has hard blokes with massive guns trying to fuck an alien which looks like a pussy, in the jungle, while quoting unholy levels of badassery.

That’s why.

Decent Films to Watch This Week (23/4/13)

Tuesday

 

 

 

LA Confidential (1997) ITV4 10pm

Delightful, a Chris Malin “top 10-er” to start the week with!

Kind of…

It’s Tuesday after all…

Sorry…

Ropey scheduling aside this really is a class above most of other films you’ll see so I’m glad we start off my quaint little blog with such quality… Defensive issues aside, let’s try and get to the bottom of why this film about the drugs trade in 1950’s LA is such a good film. Perhaps it’s the ensemble cast, with Messer’s Spacey, Crowe and Pearce. The film follows three detectives - none of them in particular the main character. This means that we have to be interested in them all; we can’t be waiting for one to get off the screen as we wait to see our favourite back on. The casting of each of the detectives is so good, and each character so fleshed out, that it solves this particular conundrum perfectly and makes us as an audience unable to route for just one– all of the detectives have their attributes and their down falls. Guy Pearce’s Ed Exley is the ambitious detective whose political genius is matched only by disregard/inability to being ‘likeable’. Kevin Spacey’s Jack Vincennes is the exact opposite - able to manipulate the people around him for his own stardom, but is unable to play the long game. Then we have Russell Crowe’s Bud White, who likes to work with a ‘punch first ask questions later’ attitude which has a habit of spilling over and masking his more thoughtful side. Each of the characters fascinate us and even though the film follows each detectives different thread, none feel like the runt of the bunch – each story strand is just as captivating as the next.  Talking of the story, this leads us nicely on to another reason why the film excels – the writing and the direction. Helmed by Curtis Hanson (he of 8 Mile) who also wrote the screen play along with Brian Helgeland (Mystic River, Man On Fire), manages to juggle the aforementioned different threads seamlessly – what’s that? Oh the plot you say? Yes I am sorry, I quite got carried away – the film takes places in 1950’S Los Angeles as a power vacuum has opened up in the City of Angel’s drug trade following a mob boss’s assassination. As different people try and fill the gap, corruption and crime sweep the city which leads 3 differing cops to get involved with their own particular brand of justice… Intriguing, huh?  As I said, the threads are multiple and the setup is complicated, so the fact that everything flows so smoothly is a miracle. The screenplay is oh so smart, and sizzles just as much as the LA sun. There’s never a dull moment and the world created by the film is to die for…. 1950’s LA looks gorgeous which makes the seedy underbelly it hides all the more fascinating. The supporting cast are almost as interesting as the three leads - we want to know as much about the world that Elroy has created as possible because at the centre of the story is a living breathing heart – albeit a very dark one – that just comes to life with all these characters who want to be someone. Be the most famous person alive, be the biggest mob boss, heck, even just some people’s desire just to be happy – every character has a motivation, and we as an audience are sucked into this believable fantasy. Maybe, even, on some level, we are envious that we are not part of this tale of glitz, glamour and gangsters.  That, I think, is the main reason why this film is so good, it creates a story you are fascinated by, but all the time you are able to sympathise with these outlandish characters that, despite their shortcomings, are all very human at the centre

Or perhaps it’s just because it’s all so frickin’ cool.

There’s Something About Mary (1998) FILM4 10.40pm

The (all too) early peak of the Farrelly Brother’s work. Yes, it’s arguable whether Dumb and Dumber is just as funny (or even funnier), but what this film did was put them on the map. How did it manage this whereas Dumb and Dumber did not? Well it did it in a similar manner in which American Pie did it when I spoke about the take of 4 lads trying to lose their virginity a couple of weeks ago. Hell it does it in the same way that all the great comedies do it – it’s funny… and it’s iconic. Dumb and Dumber has a similar hit rate as There’s Something About Mary - the jokes come just as thick and fast, plus are of the same quality. However, There’s Something About Mary had set pieces that entered the public eye. Everyone knew about Mary’s gel problem. Everyone knew about Ted’s zip problem. Just like everyone knows about Jim’s pie problem. The set pieces were so shocking, so disgusting and yet so funny, it’s induction to comedies hall of fame was inevitable. For those unfamiliar with the setup, the film follows Ted. Ted has a crush on Mary. Something happens between the two on prom night that means they don’t see each for a long time then they run into each other again. That’s all you need to know. These days I think Dumb and Dumber is looked upon more fondly then There’s Something About Mary (maybe it is funnier), and less people return to Ted’s tale of trying to get the woman he loves (when was the last time you watched it?), but I think this is only a result of how popular it was when it first came out – everyone’s just watched it so damn much (maybe a lot more than they watched Dumb and Dumber). Maybe this is a good time to become reunited with an old favourite. I’m pretty sure it will be as funny as it always was.

“Step into my office”.

Wednesday

Munich (2005) BBC1 11.05pm

“If any of us get laid tonight it’s because of Eric Bana in Munich” so says Seth Rogen in the comedy Knocked Up. To be fair, it’s no wonder he feels so empowered because it is a great movie. About Jewish people. Jewish people kicking ass. Right, let me dispel any notions of this being like Inglorious Basterds – in fact I’ve probably given totally the wrong impression about this film from my opening statement. So let’s start again.

Here we have Steven Spielberg’s powerful film about an Israeli hit squad out to avenge the murders of their fellow countrymen committed by Palestinian operatives. As Spielberg demonstrated with Schindler’s List, he has the innate ability to balance spectacle and sentiment seamlessly, and that is on full show here. What we have is a film that is able to amazingly thought provoking which never gets weighed down to the point where the film stands still – you’ll be breathlessly moved throughout between moral conundrums and tense action. A stellar cast including Eric Bana, Daniel Craig and Geoffrey Rush help Spielberg bring his vision to screen. Great cinema.

That was more appropriate in the end wasn’t it? More boring, yes, but way  more appropriate.  

Moving swiftly on….

Sleepers (1996) ITV4 10pm

Talking of stellar casts… Here we have a great film I haven’t watched in a long time, so I do hope time has been kind to it (I’m sure it has). Four lads pull a prank that goes HORRIBLY (capitals necessary) wrong and they end up in a detention centre for 10 years where they are brutalized in an extremely cruel way. Upon their release they are understandably a bit irked and decide to get their revenge. As I said I haven’t watched this is in quite a while, but at the time I can remember thinking ‘woah’. It packs an emotional punch and the performances from a cast that includes Brad Pitt, Dustin Hoffman, Bobby De Niro and Mr connected himself, Kevin Bacon.

Naked Gun: From the Files of Police Squad (1988) FILM4 9pm

I have probably watched this film over a 100 times and it will still have me in stiches every time I watch it. The main reason because of this is no matter how ludicrous what is happening on screen, no matter what ridiculous line is being espoused, no matter anything, Leslie Nielsen manages to somehow play it straighter than George Clooney holding a ruler on a straight and narrow road during a straightening competition while having his hair straightened. Ok, maybe not the last bit, but you get from I’m coming from. Leslie Nielsen plays Lt. Frank Drebin, a detective who makes Inspector Clouseau look like Poirot (loving the similes tonight) is part of police squad – the most inept elite squad of cops going. Queen Elizabeth is coming to town and it seems Frank is the only man who is able to stop her from being assassinated (somehow). The gags in this are second to none (I rate this higher than Aeroplane!), you’ve always got to have an eye on the background for one of the many sight gags going, and be prepared for the silly. This is intelligent silly though, not White Chicks brain dead silly. So yeah, enjoy Chris Malin’s favourite comedy of all time.

“Nice beaver!”

Thursday

Natural Born Killers (1994) ITV4 10.10pm

Look I have a life you know, sometimes I need a rest.

Cyrus (2011) FILM4 9pm & FILM4 10pm

This is really good to be fair.

Planes, Trains & Automobiles (1987) FILM4 10.45pm

This is funny as well.

Wow that was easy.